Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways.
You can’t make me cry; you’re not my daughter’s 2nd grade math homework.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) January 28, 2021
Unlocked the next level of being a dad, by removing and putting back the same batteries to get a dead remote working
— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) January 26, 2021
after 10 months out of school, the very first day of in-person learning, what do they do? after everything I’ve been through. they give my son a recorder to take home.
— Sweatpants Cher🔸 (@House_Feminist) January 27, 2021
Overheard my 7 year old daughter say, “That doesn’t go there” to my husband while loading the dishwasher and I’ve never been more proud.
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) January 25, 2021
is my house clean and tidy and laundry folded neatly and meals prepped for the week?
but am i less stressed and making fun memories with my kids who are playing nicely?
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) January 24, 2021
My daughter just said “if I could talk to animals I would have so many questions” and I know this to be true because that’s literally all she does
— Crockett🍀 (@CrockettForReal) January 26, 2021
Our kids’ hide and seek game has elevated to another level today. pic.twitter.com/furfRDtKKs
— Nick Sumida (@nsumida) January 25, 2021
Parenting is a lot of shouting things like: IF YOU GET YOURSELF STUCK IN A BOX, YOU’RE NOT ALLOWED TO MOVE UNTIL I GET A PICTURE!
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) January 26, 2021
My autocorrect just changed daughter to disaster and I’ve never been more paranoid that my smart phone could read my mind.
— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) January 27, 2021
My 4yo refused to let me try a bite of his hamburger and when I asked why he looks me dead in the eyes and without a trace of irony says “coronavirus”
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) January 27, 2021
I've convinced my kids that they can hypnotize me to fall asleep when I'm chasing them and it's their new favorite game. I'll literally lay down for a 10-minute nap in the hallway and they won't bug me because it "breaks their spell." It's my greatest win as a parent thus far.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) January 27, 2021
I’m not saying that asking your kids to clean will always make things worse, but I asked my 4yo to clean his muddy shoes and found him standing naked in a full bathtub polishing them with his toothbrush
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) January 26, 2021
I’d really like to speak to whoever in the baby world who all got together and decided to make this horrible shade of chartreuse a neutral.
— Emily Favreau (@emilyfavreau) January 27, 2021
Kid: Would you rather be invisible or be able to fly?
Me: Be invisible.
Kid: To fight bad guys, right?
Me, imagining breaking into a cheese shop and eating all the cheese: Totally.
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) January 26, 2021
My son turned 8 yesterday. I'm killin' it at this parenting thing. pic.twitter.com/mGtCHLULE1
— Christina Crawford (@Xtina_Crawford) January 27, 2021
Little kids love pestering you incessantly for an hour straight to “look at this” only to end up showing you a Barbie doll doing a cartwheel.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) January 26, 2021
As a mother my favorite pastime is having my performance critiqued by people who depend on me for their survival
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) January 27, 2021
My 6yo: Your doctor should never say you’re going to die. They should say you’re “a goner” or “doomed”
I hope she goes into medicine
— Lil Bit 🌈 (@LizerReal) January 27, 2021
Me: “Bunk beds would be perfect in the boys’ room.”
Also me, trying to put a fitted sheet on the top bunk: pic.twitter.com/Fs2blqWFNq
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) January 27, 2021
My daughters favorite new phrase is "ok girl, I see you" and I'm just wondering how she can see all these girls, but the piles of clothes on her floor are invisible.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) January 26, 2021
I know there are parents out there who are struggling right now, but don’t worry - your toddler will be able to put their stupid gloves on all by themselves one day
— threetimedaddy (@threetimedaddy) January 23, 2021
My son gagging on the air trying to do a distance learning PE class workout next to the room where his sister is having her diaper changed is the funniest thing I’ll see all week. 😂
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) January 25, 2021
Apparently last night the tooth fairy w̶o̶k̶e̶ ̶i̶n̶ ̶a̶ ̶p̶a̶n̶i̶c̶ arrived at 3am, r̶a̶n̶ flew into 8’s room and d̶r̶o̶p̶p̶e̶d̶ placed two coins on his h̶e̶a̶d̶ pillow before w̶a̶l̶k̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶i̶n̶t̶o̶ ̶t̶h̶e̶ ̶d̶o̶o̶r̶ ̶f̶r̶a̶m̶e̶ ̶ flying out the window
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) January 27, 2021
Each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Preview photo credit: mommajessiec / twitter.com