Shout out to teen girl rooms, covered in wall to wall magazine clippings like you're trying to solve a horny murder.
— Brandie Posey (@Brandazzle) April 29, 2020
The pandemic has also highlighted my need to marry a hairdresser-nail-artist-chef-dentist who lives on a secret island.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) April 29, 2020
I hate when people have a lot of followers but are barely following anyone like I’m sorry are your jesters not entertaining to you queen how can we better serve you
— Meg Stalter (@megstalter) April 30, 2020
We all have that one friend who sends us memes that aren’t funny but we don’t have the heart to say it so we just send sh*t like “lol that’s a good one” and “hahah I feel that”
— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) April 26, 2020
If you need a new quarantine pastime I recommend “do I have a crush on this friend or am l just bored”
— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) April 29, 2020
just got dumped and my roommate is trying to make me feel better by playing cards with me but she just keeps winning and whispering “sorry”
— amelia elizalde (@ameliaelizalde) April 27, 2020
can apple STOP no one wants to use that strong a*s password
— 👩🏾💻 (@casseymj) April 28, 2020
when my phone is charging to my computer but my computer isn’t plugged in, it feels like The Giving Tree, does this make sense
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) April 25, 2020
Soooo many corona wedding vows coming. "If we can get through quarantine, we can get through anything. Also I love that you are goofy."
— Kate Berlant (@kateberlant) April 29, 2020
I’ve got a call tomorrow with the psychologist who’s been treating my OCD/hypochondria for 15 years and I cannot WAIT to say “I told you so”
— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) April 27, 2020
friends who are too exhausted to text you right now and it's ok because you're too exhausted to text them too, so you both like each other's posts and that's your whole friendship now dot com
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) April 25, 2020
QUARANTINE HOUSE ARREST DAY 48: Held a very successful mixer for all my socks. So many single & ready to mingles!
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) April 28, 2020
Having to do dishes every 7 minutes during quarantine is my villain origin story.
— Asia (@AsiaChloeBrown) April 28, 2020
ON TWITTER FOR TEN MINUTES: aw sweet, there's so many smart funny people here
ON TWITTER FOR AN HOUR: my life is now dedicated to vengeance on PatriotMike24396857
— Sandra Newman (@sannewman) April 30, 2020
here are the things I like about myself:
- I get knocked down
- but I get up again
— ellory smith (@ellorysmith) April 25, 2020
best lyric of all time is when elton John was like “if I was a sculptor, but then again no” like pls I’m on the edge of my seat .. what were you going to do as a sculptor Elton!?!!!
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) April 28, 2020
She began that day as she began most days, palms pressed to the window, narrating the antics of squirrels to an empty room.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) April 28, 2020
oh hey, your soda rocks. pic.twitter.com/BK7IcRe8pP
— kim. (@KimmyMonte) April 29, 2020
Visit our "Funniest Tweets From Women" page for past roundups.
Preview photo credit: KimmyMonte / twitter.com