The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week
Anyone who’s lactose intolerant have you considered being tolerant? Seriously grow up it’s 2020.
anyone who’s lactose intolerant have you considered being tolerant? seriously grow up it’s 2020
— brittany (@brittany_broski) August 17, 2020
One night in college, my roommate got super drunk pretty quickly and ended up getting sick. We handed her a trashcan, with trash already in it. She puked a few times and started crying, and then looked in the can and yelled, OMG I THREW UP A FORK?!
— Girl Who Came to Stay (@Mom_Overboard) August 16, 2020
I’m like a croissant. I’m sweet but will flake on you.
— Hannah Berner (@beingbernz) August 16, 2020
why do we call them olives and not Greece’s pieces
— Kerry on Wayward Son (@EmissaryKerry) August 17, 2020
kidz bop version of WAP is gonna be like: there's some chores in this house
— Sophie (@sophie_mhj) August 16, 2020
me in 2019: ~* dO ONe tHiNg EvERy DaY tHaT sCaReS U*~
me in 2020: do one thing every day!!!!!!!!!!!!!(eating counts)
— Catherine Cohen (@catcohen) August 16, 2020
A spicy wine? Oh you mean a jalapiñot?
— Caitlin (@caithuls) August 17, 2020
how are all of you regressing? i listened to a coheed and cambria song earlier
— david byrnes scream at the end of road to nowhere (@rachelmillman) August 17, 2020
i have written 10 words so i will reward myself by checking my various apps for 45 minutes
— taylor garron (@casualafro) August 18, 2020
pumpkins were invented in 1973 when a watermelon put on a pair of corduroys
— kim. (@KimmyMonte) August 16, 2020
watering my plants from my water bottle is so intimate ... like sip 4 u then sip 4 me lolol
— none ya (@loveliYungWoman) August 18, 2020
To All The Boys I Ever Suggested Therapy To
— Bolu Babalola (@BeeBabs) August 16, 2020
How old were you when you realized Lindsay Lohan doesn’t have a twin
— Michaela Okland (@MichaelaOkla) August 17, 2020
— Rachel Pegram (@rachelpegram) August 19, 2020
my boyfriend and i go to Taco Bell. what do you want i ask him. a baja blast? no. he gets down on one knee. i want something that will baja last. will you marry me? they ring the taco bell. we live happily ever after mas.
— ꧁𝕸𝖆𝖉𝖎𝖒𝖔𝖎𝖘𝖊𝖑𝖑𝖊꧂ (@drivingmemadi) August 16, 2020
When someone older pauses while speaking I think, ah yes, you’re putting two spaces after each period
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) August 20, 2020
Is "I wanna see what one would look like stacked on top of my dog" a good reason to have a baby?
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) August 17, 2020
I just whipped up pancakes from scratch without a recipe. 🙌🏾 (No, they were not good.)
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) August 16, 2020
recipe: use two cloves of garlic
me: got it pic.twitter.com/WdfXwfXxwg
— 敏儀 | BLM #JunkTerrorLaw (@monyeeart) August 17, 2020
me after begging my friends to take a picture of me pic.twitter.com/rm237EkQEw
— cai (@myhandsbecold) August 15, 2020
Visit our "Funniest Tweets From Women" page for past roundups.
Preview photo credit: BeeBabs / twitter.com