A crush so big you’re texting the tertiary friends about it
— Allison O'Conor (@allisonoconor) August 11, 2020
avril lavigne was right ...... what the hell
— ellie (@catchfireswift) August 9, 2020
Congratulations to Kamala Harris and Maya Rudolph
— No Quarter Will Be Given (@chaedria) August 11, 2020
I got on TikTok because I was like oh this will be so fun and now I follow 17 therapists who give me tips while they do a little dance
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) August 11, 2020
uhhh i’m done w life i wanna be a small child who just got out of the bath and put on a big shirt
— dirt prince (@pant_leg) August 12, 2020
comic SANS? more like comic AVEC!
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) August 10, 2020
Thinking about the time in college when a girl paid me $50 to write an essay for her and I brought my campus laptop to a frat party and let everyone there write a different paragraph of the paper after playing Edward 40 hands. She got a 12%
— moon girl (@eggymum) August 10, 2020
THE SOCIAL NETWORK starts in fall 2003 and Elle Woods is Harvard Law class of 2004 in LEGALLY BLONDE. This means Elle Woods and Mark Zuckerberg were at Harvard at the same time. In this essay, I -
— Emmy Potter✌🏻😷 (@emmylanepotter) August 10, 2020
did apple juice write this??? pic.twitter.com/AQ4UzctpM6
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) August 9, 2020
if I could give any advice to my 8 year old self?
stop talking abt how much u like owls all the time. Ur about to get worthless owl things for every holiday until ur 20. Start talking about how much u like cold hard cash.
— Dani Lyle (@Danika_Lyle) August 10, 2020
Got a full 8 hours of anxiety last night
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) August 12, 2020
Hey guys!!! I wanted to let you know that I’m deleting my mental health to focus more on social media. Hope you will all support me!
— shan 🐞🧚🏻♀️ (@shan4vp) August 11, 2020
girls only want one thing and it’s a living room with hardwood floors a green velvet sofa and a colorful rug
— 𝕤𝕦𝕟𝕗𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕖𝕣 (@spinubzilla) August 10, 2020
there is no way that golf is as fun as rich white people make it seem
— Abby Govindan (@abbygov) August 13, 2020
I firmly believe that when you set up a buffet, the plates should be at one end, then the food, THEN the silverware and napkins so you don’t have to balance your silverware while you make your plate. Everywhere gets this wrong. Oh, buffets are never happening again? Never mind.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) August 11, 2020
You ever think about how hilarious it is that Gwen Stefani had a hit song where she sampled FIDDLER ON THE ROOF or am I just thinking about that because I just heard it for the first time in a while. I mean....that’s bonks.
— Niccole Thurman (@niccolethurman) August 10, 2020
[breaking out of prison with 3 other inmates that only brought me along because I caught them]
“guys, I circled some apartments we could be interested in”
— jo (@WhaJoTalkinBout) August 12, 2020
I decided to quit drinking for a bit so I can really drink my way through October and November.
— Imani Gandy ☄️🌏🔥 (@AngryBlackLady) August 9, 2020
good energy from a potential new therapist who seems to be trapped in 2007 romantic comedy about a woman trying to have it all! pic.twitter.com/ipvwfqsrVD
— Sophie Bramnick (@sophiebramnick) August 13, 2020
here i am, ready to take on the week!!! pic.twitter.com/bB78QwkiIU
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) August 10, 2020
Visit our "Funniest Tweets From Women" page for past roundups.
Preview photo credit: annetdonahue / twitter.com