one thing that we are ABOSLUTLEY not talking about enough is that the UK still has judges and barristers wear wigs in court
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) March 4, 2020
“It’s 10 o’clock somewhere”- me justifying why I’m going to bed before sunset
— ziwe (@ziwe) March 5, 2020
guys, we're all gonna have to cook during the outbreak. everyone who shaded me for having a recipe board on pinterest while I was single in my 20s is lookin like a fool rn.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) March 5, 2020
Why don’t planes board by seat number??? Could be so simple instead it’s like 5000 insane groups “now boarding those with brown hair next up those who DO not eat fish”
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) March 1, 2020
Once I start to remember what day it is it’s all over for you bit*hes
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) March 3, 2020
Today I completed a chore I have been putting off for six months. It took 15 minutes. I will learn nothing from this.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) March 3, 2020
I’m so sorry but being on magazine covers has not mattered since American Girl magazine was discontinued
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) March 6, 2020
You can’t call it “pandemic” unless it’s from the Pandemic region of France, otherwise it’s just Sparkling Flu
— Sarah Parcak (@indyfromspace) March 5, 2020
No I will not apologize for interrupting your wedding by smashing a glass and yelling "he will never love your dog the way I do"
— Rad Tasia, The Wiggling Penguin (@GroovyTasia) March 6, 2020
Every woman I know has 2 outfits she wears and 123,456,567 outfits hanging in her closet.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) March 1, 2020
I want to eat my feelings, but I am too lazy to get up & cook my feelings.
— 🗽 Caissie “Pretty Scared, You?” St.Onge (@Caissie) March 4, 2020
you are not a true graduate of 90s suburbia unless square dancing was inexplicably a part of your phys ed curriculum.
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) March 1, 2020
Struggle with sleep? Here are some useful tips:
• Turn your phone off early
• Have a relaxing bath
• Open the window
• Help a raccoon climb through the window so you can watch NetFlix together
• This is a sleepover now
• Make popcorn for the raccoon
• Avoid caffeine
— Roxi Horror 💀🌸 (@roxiqt) March 1, 2020
Pretends to thoughtfully examine the menu as if I didn’t immediately look it up the moment you suggested an unfamiliar restaurant
— Brit Bennett (@britrbennett) March 1, 2020
i need 30-40 dogs to lie down directly on my body like a gravity blanket
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) March 1, 2020
Me, knowingly overcommitting to way too many things this weekend: pic.twitter.com/5sF001XtjY
— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) March 5, 2020
I might not be girlfriend material but I’m definitely pic.twitter.com/QderUhkbHg
— Cat Wall (@cat_wall_) March 4, 2020
this has been me since the CDC said not to touch your face pic.twitter.com/C3mUiZmzdq
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) March 5, 2020
Visit our "Funniest Tweets From Women" page for past roundups.
Preview photo credit: cat_wall_ / twitter.com