The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week
"Writers be like 'this character will be...a writer.'"
me (reading philosophy): what
— quaranbean (@christapeterso) July 20, 2020
I'm just a girl, standing in front of a self-checkout, screaming that there's no unexpected item in the bagging area.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) July 20, 2020
Good morning to everyone who woke up and immediately moved half of the items they had on today's to-do list to tomorrow's to-do list.
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) July 21, 2020
I’m going to take a break from social media for my mental health. I will see you all in 2 minutes.
— erin whitehead (@girlwithatail) July 18, 2020
the oscar for outstanding performance this yr goes to the people who posted black boxes on instagram and never said a word again 🏆
— miski (@musegold) July 20, 2020
Currently staying with my parents. They have eggs for breakfast on Wednesday and Sunday. These days are now both known as “Egg Day.” They plan for Egg Day days in advance. The night before an Egg Day they talk about how excited they are for Egg Day. They’ve been married 35 years.
— Anna Fitzpatrick (@bananafitz) July 22, 2020
You ever meet a guy who thinks that a joke from a major blockbuster comedy is an inside joke with him and his friends
— Ashley Hamilton (@AshleyHammm) July 23, 2020
pitch: a dating app that lets me know which people in my life are already in love with me
— ziwe (@ziwe) July 18, 2020
Something to think about pic.twitter.com/WKw6JNChXM
— Melanie Bracewell (@meladoodle) July 22, 2020
I blush when I think about all of us back in March. The crafts! The bread! Tiger King! Sending each other cutie pie Marco Polos! It’s like thinking about yourself in seventh grade
— Alison Bennett (@bennettleigh) July 22, 2020
i want to watch a ~thriller~ someone tell me what to watch so that i am ~thrilled~
— Scaachi (@Scaachi) July 20, 2020
I miss bars. I miss ordering a nice drink and having multiple people ask me if I’m a model. Then more people ask me if I’m a model. Everyone at the bar would start yelling “are you a model?!”until I’d have to stand on the bar and make a formal announcement that I am NOT a model
— Maggie? Winters? (@saggiesplinters) July 21, 2020
wtf is a 401k I can barely run 2 miles :(
— cal? (@cal_gif) July 20, 2020
I never truly understood the phrase ready to risk it all, until mere moments ago when a fine af, shirtless, Black man made eye contact with me from his vintage convertible. It was... all ready to be risked.
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) July 23, 2020
"hahaha, whatever" - me, seconds after telling someone an important emotional truth i hold incredibly dear
— monicaheisey (@monicaheisey) July 20, 2020
there should be a single-serving website called What's Their Deal where you can type in anyone's name and it tells you their deal
— alanna (@alanna) July 21, 2020
Really showed my aunt colours when my best friend's two-year-old threw a tantrum today and I responded with a commanding, "Hey. Be cool."
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) July 19, 2020
i’m seeing my girlfriend in a few days for the first time since Febuary but she might not recognize me (i lost 4 lbs then gained 2 then lost 1 then gained 6 then lost 3 so i am currently exact same weight)
— Ms. Grace Kuhlenschmidt (@GKuhlenschmidt) July 20, 2020
Gen Z will never understand what it was like growing up in a society where if your pizza was late you got it for free.
— Akilah Hughes (@AkilahObviously) July 23, 2020
writers be like “this character will be...a writer”
— Daisy Bard (@DaisyBard) July 19, 2020
Visit our "Funniest Tweets From Women" page for past roundups.
Preview photo credit: meladoodle / twitter.com