damn boy can i call your ass "US Attorney for the Southern District of New York" because it just won't quit
— Erin too ambitious Ryan (@morninggloria) June 22, 2020
Me noticing that ADHD is trending: “Huh. Interesting.”
Me ten minutes later: “Wait, ADHD is trending?”
— Imani Gandy ☄️🌏🔥 (@AngryBlackLady) June 21, 2020
nobody has gotten canceled harder than the concept of time in 2020
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) June 23, 2020
Any room can be a panic room when your dog brings a live armadillo into the house.
— Lauren Hough (@laurenthehough) June 23, 2020
The Beach Boys: Yes! We finally finished the transcendent vocal arrangement for the end of this song. It’s perfect. So beautiful. Next!
Brian Wilson: wait I wanna add a bike horn
— caitie delaney (@caitiedelaney) June 25, 2020
probably my favorite part of taking a nap is going on my phone for an hour instead of falling asleep
— Kristen Arnett (@Kristen_Arnett) June 25, 2020
i was unemployed but then New Jersey allowed TJMAXX to open and now i have a full time job convincing my mom to stay home
— Shannon Odell (@shodell) June 25, 2020
hello and welcome to the part of the pandemic where, if i think someone at the grocery store doesn't know i'm smiling back at them through my mask, i say, "i'm smiling back at you!" like an absolute psychopath
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) June 24, 2020
I’m so sick of all these men on the street telling me to smize
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) June 25, 2020
monk: just a normal letter ‘M’ please
— ruby🦎 (@roobeekeane) June 21, 2020
i know you all think your dads are the best but when my dad moved to the US he literally named himself Kenny Chee bc he loves Kenny G 💖😂
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) June 21, 2020
Put dinner in the oven then checked the postmates app to see what time it would get here. 🤦🏾♀️
— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) June 23, 2020
every night i think of the perfect tweet and every morning i wake up to this pic.twitter.com/tasGEHyfEL
— amelia elizalde (@ameliaelizalde) June 24, 2020
So glad that America has finally harnessed its greatest natural resource: the viciousness of teens
— Jess Dweck (@TheDweck) June 21, 2020
It's only Cancel Culture if it originates in the Cancelle region of France.
Otherwise, it's just sparkling consequences.
— Berrak Sarıkaya 😷 (@BerrakBiz) June 26, 2020
Who among us hasn’t been ghosted by over 700,000 people?
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) June 21, 2020
when your frontal cortex is done developing I think you should get to hear a little “ding”
— Georgia (@nationalparke) June 21, 2020
I found out my 30 y.o brother bakes one cookie a night which is a level of sadness I have yet to unlock
— Hanna Dickinson (@hansdickie) June 23, 2020
Monday morning's reason for apologising during a work call: this duck walked into my kitchen. I do not own a duck. pic.twitter.com/KqOQwC5KHu
— Lucy Nicholls (@LucySomerset) June 22, 2020
I need someone to explain leather sofas to me. You actively want something that is freezing in winter and makes your sweaty arse stick to it in summer - why
— Poorna Bell (@poornabell) June 21, 2020
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Preview photo credit: sarahcpr / twitter.com