I don’t trust anyone who can nap in jeans.
— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) May 9, 2020
Today is 5/9, or as some guys call it 5/11
— defne gencler (@omgitsdef) May 9, 2020
Me: This whole lockdown is making it very hard to find my soulmate.
Husband: I’m sitting right here.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) May 11, 2020
When we’re “back to normal,” i want to open a bed and breakfast only for women suffering from burn out. I’m gonna call it Resting Bit*h Place.
— Mary Annaïse Heglar (@MaryHeglar) May 9, 2020
This isn’t going to be a hot girl summer it’s going to be a reclusive victorian woman in an attic summer
— Fossilized Tree Resin (@Jamberee13) May 13, 2020
Me before this: I’m finally an adult
Me now: I love puzzles and chalk and beads and for my birthday I want a scooter
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) May 12, 2020
this whole thing has really helped me rediscover my passion for barely holding it together
— J. Jennifer Espinoza (@sadqueer4life) May 9, 2020
i admire how when babies dont want to hold something anymore they just drop it
— secular angel (@mixedmediapaper) May 11, 2020
Personally I think Romeo and Juliet could’ve handled their situation better
— uzma (@uzmaax) May 13, 2020
Ripping off your mask when you get back in the car is the new taking off your bra when you get home
— Maggie Scott (@maggiescott231) May 10, 2020
this time last year I was getting laid and now I’m just sitting here tweeting stupid sh*t like “this time last year I was getting laid”
— comrade edelgard von hresvelg (@GraceSpelman) May 10, 2020
When I said I wanted to be a Disney princess, I was thinking more the long hair/musical numbers and less the being stuck inside my parents' house/talking to animals.
— Jenny Jaffe (@jennyjaffe) May 11, 2020
if ur looking for a bad girl sometimes I do multiple loads of laundry before emptying the lint trap
— Moderately Mom (@momtribevibe) May 13, 2020
Happy mother’s day!! don’t forget to watch a movie today but pause it every so often and go “wait who’s that”
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) May 10, 2020
a lasagna is just a layer cake who's seen some stuff
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) May 11, 2020
interested in physically fighting this mom you claim is the strongest woman you know
— gingerbread angel (@____andie) May 10, 2020
i am a messy bit*h who lives for drama, right up until the second i am implicated in drama, in which case i think everyone should cut it out and stop being mean to me
— Anna Fitzpatrick (@bananafitz) May 11, 2020
Not convinced that we have done all we can to find the the best way to package flour
— Paige Weldon (@paigeweldon) May 10, 2020
Woke up to the memory of a time in college when a very proper, VERY English friend was trying to recall the name of a character in a children’s show. “The green one, you know?Disagreeable, quite shouty? Lives in the rubbish.” She meant Oscar the Grouch.
— Alana Massey (@AlanaMassey) May 14, 2020
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