The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week
No they're not 'symptoms of depression.' They're blues clues.
if i missed your call 10 seconds ago & i call back....why aren’t you picking up? in this thesis i’ll be exploring those 10 seconds
— miski 🛸 (@musegold) November 29, 2020
he’s having a main character moment pic.twitter.com/BghOzxCovJ
— afrah (@goldenberryx) November 28, 2020
Reasons I hope I never get murdered:
2. Sad for loved ones
3. My neighbors will be interviewed in the documentary and I have never interacted with these people
— Katie Nolan (@katienolan) November 28, 2020
White wine drunk: I need to text everyone I’ve ever met to tell them I love them and download a dating app!
Red wine drunk: I am going to plan a murder that cannot be solved
— Sara Levine (@saralememe) November 28, 2020
How did y’all find out Santa wasn’t real? My grandma straight up told me “I’m not letting some white man take credit for my hard work I’M Santa Claus!” 😂
— SCAM GODDESS (@DivaLaci) November 29, 2020
'oh, yeah — that's a muscle too'
— me, the day after physical therapy, always
— Bim Adewunmi (@bimadew) December 2, 2020
no they’re not “symptoms of depression.” they’re blues clues
— meredith (@dietz_meredith) November 30, 2020
But if Biden has an all woman communications team, what’s next? Woman doctors? Woman lawyers? Woman mothers? The Womandalorian? That’s not my America.
— The Volatile Mermaid (@OhNoSheTwitnt) November 29, 2020
I may have done a lot of embarrassing things in my life, but my older sister actually once found a cabbage patch kids birth certificate in my moms filing cabinet, started screaming at and accusing our mom of hiding our “brother” Clyde Fabian from us, and she was like 15
— chloë (@chloeevansj) December 1, 2020
my mom offered to make me a sweater since she’s bored at home, and i asked for one in black with some red accents, and she said that michael’s is out of those shades for the moment, so she picked the next closest colours, which were somehow creamsicle orange and baby blue.
— Scaachi (@Scaachi) November 30, 2020
A little about me pic.twitter.com/5KqULAqHn9
— Andrea Hickey (@andrea_h1ckey) November 28, 2020
It's gonna be so embarrassing when I still want to cancel plans and stay home
— Morgan Parker (@morganapple) November 30, 2020
Spotify Wrapped be like, you spent 6,000 minutes listening to news podcasts about humanity’s decline but found time to unwind with a touch of murder.
— Amanda Duberman (@AmandaDuberman) December 2, 2020
trader joe’s cashier: have a good day
me: love you too
— Isabel Steckel (@IsabelSteckel) November 30, 2020
is your love language really acts of service or are you just an eldest daughter shocked at the thought of someone else completing a task or responsibility for once
— Petosi 🌙 (@srirachapetosi) November 28, 2020
So excited to start my new advent calendar <3 pic.twitter.com/ll63YP9ILj
— G. L. DiVittorio (@ginadivittorio) December 2, 2020
me: i’m so sad and hopeless and directionless
my brain: buy stuff
me: no listen i need a purpose
brain: a purchase?
— dirt prince (@pant_leg) November 29, 2020
“Soy milk” lol no ur not
— kalechip :$ (@justcaem) December 2, 2020
Excusing all my horrible behavior this month by saying, “Oh well, it’s Christmas!” And giving a big ol cute shrug.
— amber ruffin (@ambermruffin) December 2, 2020
when you think you find a niche hot person (only hot to you) and then you realize they are in fact hot to lots of people? RUDE!
— Niccole Thurman (@niccolethurman) November 30, 2020
Visit our "Funniest Tweets From Women" page for past roundups.
Preview photo credit: andrea_h1ckey / twitter.com