when your period is late but you haven’t had sex so you start worrying that you may be carrying Jesus’ brother 😭
— 𝒿𝒶𝒹𝑒𝑒 (@jadefernxndez) March 30, 2019
i know i have too many nonsense apps open on my phone when i resort to my period tracker app to ground me spiritually
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) February 23, 2020
COWORKER: Hi, this is embarrassing. *whispers* can I borrow a tampon?
ME: Sure, just leave it on my desk when you’re done.
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) September 19, 2019
I was hating my period but then I read the fun facts on the back of the sanitary pads and now I love it
— Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) February 24, 2018
If I bleed through my tampon bc of these insane subway delays I’m venmo charging Bill de Blasio for new pants
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) September 12, 2019
Whenever I hear a lady in the next stall trying to unwrap a tampon as quietly as possible I yell, "HEY, IS THAT CANDY? CAN I HAVE SOME?"
— rachelle mandik 🕳 (@rachelle_mandik) March 3, 2016
I don't need to check my period tracker. I just pointed at a squirrel and said, "You're a beautiful fu*kwad, you know that?"
— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) January 27, 2016
Period:🎶Guess who's back... Back again🎶
Me: Ugh, can we not do this today?
Period: I can come back in 9 months?
Me: Keep fu*king singing.
— Lacey Nycole (@LaceyNycole) December 5, 2015
Sometimes I see a movie and think it was AMAZING and then later realize I was just on my period
— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) October 27, 2019
I love being a woman because if I have any sort of pain it can be a pregnancy, my period, a tumor, or hysteria.
— Eden Dranger (@Eden_Eats) February 16, 2019
My period: k I'm out
Me: you sure? Got all your sh*t?
My period: yeah
Me: ARE YOU SURE?????
My period: yeah, for sure, bye.
*doesn't wear pad/tampon*
My period: actually wait, let me halla at you for a second.........
— Bald Medusa (@bald_medusa) July 30, 2019
My biggest period craving is a slice of perfectly dark & moist chocolate cake that I've imagined, but never actually eaten.
— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) May 26, 2020
What’s the German word for, your period is over but your sadness hasn’t gone so you’re still feeling your existence
— Pigeon Fancier (@isabelzawtun) July 3, 2020
— CAT SANDERS (@catcsanders) May 7, 2019
me wishing my period would come tf on so we can get it over with pic.twitter.com/FpoIMKMnSw
— tracy s. pumpkins (@brokeymcpoverty) July 28, 2020
[arm falls off] probably cuz my period’s soon
— cottagecore samara (@hellohappy_time) June 13, 2018
putting my overheating macbook charger on my stomach to help period cramps because I’m a modern woman
— Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) May 14, 2017
I wear tampons all month long so I don’t feel so empty inside
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) October 8, 2014
ok here's the deal. Yes it was dumb of NASA to ask Sally Ride if she needed 100 tampons for a 7-day mission, but I would have said "Actually I need 250" because that's free tampons from the government, babbbbyyy.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) August 16, 2019
Just got so frustrated with my period that I whispered "you're being unreasonable" at my uterus.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) November 12, 2015
my period has come. I will wear a red shroud and wander the streets
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) October 5, 2014
I feel like I am always negative about my period so I'd like to spread some positivity this month: period tiddies
— Bolu Babalola (@BeeBabs) April 10, 2020
I would 100% sign up for a period app that sends me push notifications leading up to my period that are like “this anxiety is hormonal” or “do you might feel like the world is ending,” or “it’s 2 am on the 27th day of your cycle, maybe wait until morning to send that snippy text”
— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) June 27, 2020
hey government, stop taxing my period. My period is
already taxing enough
— Bec Shaw (@Brocklesnitch) May 11, 2015
I just said out loud "I don't really like the word 'menstruation', it just doesn't flow"
— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) February 11, 2017
Me two days before my period: https://t.co/shxHgmAdT2
— Tiddie Jakes (@WhittyHuton91) March 2, 2019
told my boyfriend I was going to start my period and he said, "AGAIN??"
it's like, you know what, you're right, I'm cancelling my subscription.
— m. diane (@cULTMOTHER) June 11, 2018
My period overflowed over my menstral cup and over my backup pad in a big gush down my leg at the hardware store which means I own it now. This is Jennifer’s home hardware and you will treat me with respect and also fetch me a mop plz
— Jennifer McAuliffe (@JenniferJokes) May 19, 2019
I love period dramas, I have one every month
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) August 11, 2019
I wish that instead of apologizing, you could tell people "today is brought to you by my period"
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) December 19, 2014
When you ask if anyone has a spare tampon, and they do. pic.twitter.com/V7TGptGMHy
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) June 30, 2016
just got my period. covering the mirrors and lowering the flag to half mast
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) February 25, 2015
this just in: my tampon
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) September 8, 2013
As a mother of three, the most beautiful gift I received today was my period.
— Amanda Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) May 9, 2016
Me, on my period: I feel like you’re lying but ok
— Mom Jeans (@momjeansplease) August 11, 2020
my PERIOD this month is looking more like an ELLIPSIS...
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) September 22, 2020
*my period starts*
me: i cannot believe this sh*t. again?!!!
— Bolu Babalola (@BeeBabs) May 31, 2019
When I put in a new tampon and five minutes later think, "but did I take out my old tampon?" pic.twitter.com/8gMeZspIvn
— Anna Kendrick (@AnnaKendrick47) May 27, 2017
Instead of tracking my period just track what time of the month I “get the idea” to get an MFA in creative writing.
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) October 17, 2019
[me watching HGTV on my period]
I don't even care if they love it or list it , i just hope they're happy as a family
— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) March 31, 2017
I hope when I die it’s two days before my period so the demon that possesses me during that time dies with me
— Brittani for the Icty Nichols (@BisHilarious) March 19, 2018
My period loves doing a lil encore: I’ll get to the last day and be like yay it’s done and then two days later it’s like “HOW ABOUT ONE MORE??!?”
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) April 27, 2020
americans are treating coronavirus like I treat my period— pretending it’s finished when it is obviously not!
— ziwe (@ziwe) May 19, 2020
great. I just got my period AND I'm going to die one day
— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) June 13, 2015
"I'm probably just eating so much because I'm about to get my period," I say, every day of the month, 365 days a year.
— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) August 7, 2017
Preview photo credit: BeeBabs / twitter.com