When you've had a crappy day a hug from your kids can give a moment of happiness and peace that it's all okay. Even if they tell you your breath stinks afterward
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 24, 2020
My daughter says she’s not mad at me but she did just hug her dad and tell him, “I love you more than anyone” without breaking eye contact with me.
“Have kids,” they said.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) September 19, 2020
If I (as a mom) don’t know where something is in this house, it means it’s gone forever
— Mom Truths (@momtruths2btold) July 16, 2018
If you open a candy bar wrapper in the middle of a forest with nobody around, how long until your children show up and ask what you’re eating?
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 12, 2019
How to be a parent 101:
#70: Never let the little bastards see the fear in your eyes.
— bacon popsiclestein 🐡 (@Gupton68) September 20, 2020
I don't understand why my husband has to pay for a UFC fight when he could just throw one piece of candy on the floor in front of our three kids.
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) January 18, 2020
We're on week 2 of kindergarten math, and it turns out I've been counting to five wrong.
— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) September 20, 2020
If you're on the fence about having kids, I suggest you listen to the same youtube clip for five days straight, then see how you feel.
— Ramblin Mama (@ramblinma) November 12, 2018
My 4yr old is playing mommy and I just heard her say, “Put your shoes on, dammit!” So now at least I know she hears me when I ask.
— 🎃 mom mom mom mom mom 🎃 (@notmythirdrodeo) September 21, 2020
I can clean my car, vacuum it squeaky clean. Put my kids in. Give them absolutely nothing and there's 52 lbs of crumbs in the seats when they get out. This is how I know children are 98% made up of crumbs.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) September 20, 2020
Me when I have to be the tooth fairy at night. pic.twitter.com/h6zLTf4kEn
— ThisOneSaysBoo (@ThisOneSayz) January 23, 2020
I told my son we couldn’t afford something and he asked why I didn’t have more money, and I wanted to be like, “You, dude. You are entirely the reason I don’t have more money.”
— The Dad (@thedad) September 19, 2020
I'm hiding from my kids in the closet so I can peacefully eat some cookies. I can hear them all walking around like a bunch of DEA agents. I'm trying my best to destroy all the evidence before they bust me.
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 21, 2020
Things I have tried:
-threats to call Santa
-earlier bed time
-later bed time
-threats of violence against stuffed animals
Times my 4 year old has slept through the night as a result:
— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) July 19, 2020
Preview photo credit: ThisOneSayz / twitter.com