The dream is sleeping in on Sunday, the reality is the sibling rivalry cage match happening in the living room needs a referee.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 15, 2015
No one is as obnoxiously well-behaved as a child whose sibling is getting yelled at.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) July 27, 2020
The hardest part of having multiple kids is explaining why only your first child has a baby book.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) November 9, 2017
When a kid asks a sibling to play a game of tag, they're basically asking if their sibling wants to take a jog that ends in a fight.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) March 9, 2017
How about we have pedestrian crossings with more than one button?
- parents with more than one kid
— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) November 27, 2019
Hell hath no fury like a child whose sibling touched the automatic door opener button before they did.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 14, 2018
Sibling rivalry, or as my parents called it, "Stop choking your brother, he's turning blue"
— The Untastic Mr. Fitz (@UnFitz) November 30, 2016
I see it
I like it
I want it
I got it
- my kids whenever they see a toy that belongs to their sibling
— MomTransparenting (@momtransparent1) January 22, 2020
Oldest sibling draws picture: "You're a genius wow!"
Baby draws: "It's adorable like your face!"
Middle Child: "Paper costs money pls stop"
— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) April 11, 2017
Nobody has a better bedside manner than a kid who’s trying to get their sibling they just punched to stop crying before their parents hear.
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) April 25, 2020
Me: I put your lunch on the table a minute ago, why hasn’t your brother got any food on his plate?
3: ᵇᵉᶜᵃᵘˢᵉ ᴵ ᵃᶜᶜᶦᵈᵉⁿᵗᵃˡˡʸ ᵗᵒᵒᵏ ᶦᵗ ᵃˡˡ ᵃⁿᵈ ᵖᵘᵗ ᶦᵗ ᵒⁿ ᵐʸ ᵖˡᵃᵗᵉ
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) June 4, 2020
Overheard in my house: "I'll give you thirteen dollars to stop being my sibling."
— 〰 Just Linda 〰 (@LindaInDisguise) August 11, 2018
"Those who do not learn history are doomed to repeat it" should be the slogan for parents of multiple kids.
— A Bearer Of Dad News ✊🏾 (@HomeWithPeanut) October 25, 2018
8: I’m bored
Me: play with your brother or sister
8: don’t want to
Me: ok we spent thousands of pounds on fertility treatments to get them for you so you need to fu*king play with them
— MumInBits (@MumInBits) August 5, 2020
"Do NOT pee on your brother!"
And other things you hear in a public restroom that don't seem strange at all after you have kids.
— Divergent Mama (@divergentmama) October 22, 2019
What I said: "Don't kick your sister in the back"
What I meant: "Don't kick your sister"
What she heard: "Kick your sister someplace else"
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 29, 2016
Shoutout to all the parents whose kid just lost it because a sibling “put a foot near him” or “looked at him for too long.”
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) June 22, 2018
Asking your child to go get their sibling for dinner is just asking them to stand next to you and scream their sibling's name.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) June 27, 2018
If you don't think kids could possibly tell the difference between cookie sizes down to millimeter, and that they wouldn't fight over which sibling got the smaller cookie by a single millimeter, you're just not ready for parenting.
— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) September 5, 2018
I'll have an order of a missing shoe, with a side of child crying because her sibling won't stop singing.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) November 14, 2017
Me: you hit your sister with a ball!?
4yo: I didn't hit her with a ball! I hit her with a TRUCK!
Well at least she's honest
— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) April 21, 2020
If I could just go ahead and get a prescription for the toddler licking the floor that’d save me another trip here next week.
-Me at the doctors office with multiple kids.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) February 4, 2020
[breaking up a fight]
Me: Tell your sister you're sorry.
5-year-old: You told me not to lie.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) May 9, 2016
"STOP TELLING YOUR BROTHER THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE RHINO POWERS!!" is something that I never knew I'd be yelling this often.
— ReasonsMySonIsCrying (@ReasonsMySonCry) June 17, 2014
In honor of National Sibling Day my kids have decided to hug each other in a very aggressive choke hold kind of way.
— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) April 10, 2018
Me: What did you do to your sister?
6-year-old: I accidentally hit her on purpose.
Well, as long as it was an accident...
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 3, 2018
11yo: I'm bored.
Me: Go play with your brother.
11yo: You said we have to distance ourselves.
Me: Not from your brother.
11yo: This just got so much worse than I thought it would be.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) March 15, 2020
7yo: I’m sad
Me: bc your brother’s gone on a trip?
7yo: *nods glumly*
Me: but now you can play with his stuff and he won’t even know
7yo: it’s not the same if he’s not here to get mad at me
— Sabaa Tahir (@sabaatahir) October 2, 2019
Parenting tip: Have two kids so you can keep your lazy butt in the car & say, "Go get your brother" when picking one up at a friends house.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) June 5, 2016
I love how horrified my mom acts when my kids show even the slightest hint of sibling rivalry. As if she didn’t spend her entire life watching my siblings and I try to murder each other.
— The Mom at Law® (@TheMomAtLaw) January 30, 2019
During a sibling argument about who is better, my 6yo retorted, “Well, it’s not like you’re going to climb Mt. Everest.” And this is my new go-to comeback.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 6, 2019
Considering getting my toddler a sibling so she has somebody else to tattle on besides me.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) July 27, 2017
My 5 year old: Mommy you’re old.
Me: Your sister is my favorite.
— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) March 21, 2020
You know how when you were a kid playing a game with your sibling and you were terrible so you'd say, "Okay, I'm going to start playing FOR REAL now," and you'd give it your all but you still sucked? That's how dieting has been going for me lately.
— Mommy Cusses (@mommy_cusses) February 1, 2019
Being a stay-at-home parent to multiple kids makes you want a trophy just for participating.
— A Bearer Of Dad News ✊🏾 (@HomeWithPeanut) December 10, 2018
If you don't respond to an older child's complaint that their younger sibling hit them with "What did you do to deserve it?" ... did you even read your parent manual (page 33 paragraph 2)?
— The Dad Briefs™ (@SladeWentworth) March 27, 2019
Me: Did you hit your sister?
Me: What do you need to tell her?
4: Don't touch my stuff again.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 11, 2016
Parenting is hard because when you give your kid candy to give to their sibling and the sibling says, “Can I eat this?” to which they respond “No you stick it up your butt” you have to pretend to be mad
— Bunmi Laditan (@HonestToddler) May 30, 2020
Me: Where’d that bruise come from?
7-year-old: *motions to sister* We were fighting!
7-year-old: Do we need a reason?
Pretty sure she just summed up every sibling relationship ever.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) January 11, 2020
Nothing ignites sibling rivalry quite like buttons on an elevator.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) September 24, 2015
You know you're brown when your sibling is all “yeah, Janet was kind of a jerk to me” and ever after, when you see Janet, you’re like FOUL KNAVE, YOU DARE TO CROSS MY BRETHREN, I CURSE THY BLOOD FOR SEVEN GENERATIONS
— Sabaa Tahir (@sabaatahir) January 24, 2019
That’s awesome that your kids are at their grandma’s for the next four days and yes I’m well aware that means you’re kid free for four days, but this morning I got to enjoy THREE FULL SIPS of hot coffee before needing to break up a sibling fight, so pretty much same.
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) February 21, 2019
Me: did you just grab 8 cookies from downstairs?
Me: did you leave any for your sister?
7: yes, 1.
Me: how is that fair?
7: it's not like we could have divided 9 cookies fairly anyway so taking 8 just made sense.
— Mike Reynolds (@EverydayGirlDad) November 24, 2019
Me: where’s your brother?
Daughter: I told him to go hide.
Me: aww are you playing hide and seek?
Daughter: he is.
Daughter: don’t worry I’ll find him when my movie’s over.
— NewDadNotes (@NewDadNotes) September 23, 2019
Me: Hey bud, you want to read a book?
Me: Do a puzzle?
Me: Okay well I have to put your brother down for a nap. Just be quiet please.
3: [Leads a marching band through living room while on parade float]
— A Bearer Of Dad News ✊🏾 (@HomeWithPeanut) July 10, 2019
Preview photo credit: HenpeckedHal / twitter.com