Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways.

#1

If at first you don’t succeed, pin all your hopes on the second kid.

— John Lyon (@JohnLyonTweets) June 24, 2020

#2

One of the kids woke me up to ask if I was still sleeping, if any of you were thinking of having children.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) June 25, 2020

#3

5: why is it called apple-cado anyway

me: no reason

— hashtagtacos 🌮 (@VicVijayakumar) June 24, 2020

#4

You know you’ve gone full dad when you realize you are explaining how water towers work to an entire car full of kids who don’t care.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 24, 2020

#5

being a parent is the greatest thing in the world unless you are a parent in a disney movie

— The Dad (@thedad) June 25, 2020

#6

Last night my son asked if I'd ever heard of a pillow fight. I said I had not, so he explained the premise & asked if I would play. I awkwardly held a pillow as he gave me pointers through a smile that lit up the room. My first swing took him off his feet. He never saw it coming.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) June 23, 2020

#7

Having kids is a great idea if you’ve ever looked at your markers and thought “if only they were a bit drier...”

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) June 25, 2020

#8

Flex on your toddler by saying they are three years old instead of three and a half.

— Rhyming Mama (@sarabellab123) June 25, 2020

#9

My 8yo is suddenly, inexplicably obsessed with Garfield and I cannot stop laughing. I asked him what he liked about it and, like I was a total idiot, he said "It's a cat...who talks...and he goes on amazing adventures with a dog."

— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) June 24, 2020

#10

My 4-year-old asked my 2-year-old if it was time to fight.

2 checked the calendar and said, "No, not yet."

Well, at least they are organized.

— A Bearer Of Dad News ✊🏾 (@HomeWithPeanut) June 25, 2020

#11

Oh you love your dad? Name 3 of his favorite lawn mower height settings.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) June 21, 2020

#12

Husband: what do you all want to be when you grow up?
8: a scientist!
3 (girl): a ballerina!
3 (boy): bubble wrap!

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) June 25, 2020

#13

A fun summer drinking game is taking shots every time your child says “I’m bored.” I’m kidding. You’d be dead by noon.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 25, 2020

#14

My husband just told me he wants a divorce.

Actually his exact words were “I think it would be cool for the whole family to live in an RV and travel the country for a year,” but tomato, to-mah-to

— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) June 24, 2020

#15

I feel bad for the kids whose parents give them normal nicknames. My kids - guacamole, cheese and coffee know I truly love them.

— Divergent Mama (@divergentmama) June 23, 2020

#16

I remember watching Sex and the City in my early 20s and believing that being an adult was a lot of drinking red wine and cooking really amazing veal when it’s really just screaming obscenities at my children while burning the dino nuggets

— Vision Bored (@VisionBored1) June 24, 2020

#17

My kid just called the statue of liberty the statue of puberty, and this is the content I signed up for when becoming a parent.

— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) June 20, 2020

#18

These are my grandbabies. My 3-year-old's babies. Their names are, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, ugly baby, baby, baby, baby, and baby. pic.twitter.com/UfiHrCLUxk

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) June 25, 2020

#19

Me: Life is a paradox buried inside of an onion. You have to cry a bit to dig into it's meaning, and sometimes all you end up with is tears and confusion. You know?

Baby:

Me:

Baby:

Me:

Baby: *spits up*

Me: Same, buddy. Same.

— Kwame Mbalia (@KSekouM) June 24, 2020

#20

Kids: *playing video games*

Me: That’s enough video games, kids

Kids: *start watching videos about video games*

Me: That’s much better

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) June 24, 2020

#21

Sometimes I worry about my daughter getting the wrong ideas about romantic relationships, but as we were eating, I overheard heard her mutter “I’m gonna marry this burrito,” so...nah, she’s good.

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) June 24, 2020

#22

Raising a baby isn't like raising a dog. It's like being a dog. You're always sniffing butts.

— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) June 24, 2020

#23

Parenting is just a cycle of cleaning up one room while your kids wreck another.

— Not the Nanny (@not_thenanny) June 18, 2020

Each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.

Preview photo credit: JohnLyonTweets / twitter.com