Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways.

#1

My daughter will procrastinate anything by sitting on the potty for 15 minutes at a time, so clearly she’s practicing to be a dad

— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) November 16, 2020

#2

My four year old, when asked by a friend at day care why she has two mums and no dad, told her that her dad was eaten by a shark.

— Kate (@BakeKater) November 18, 2020

#3

My 7yo drew a self portrait, gifted it to herself, and hung it up on her wall. From now on, I’m making her my life coach.

— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) November 17, 2020

#4

The good news about the four month sleep regression is it can’t happen if you’ve never had a progression!

— Emily Favreau (@emilyfavreau) November 16, 2020

#5

I was having a bad day and then I watched my kids step on the Legos I asked them to pick up 3 times, and now I'm having a good day.

— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) November 18, 2020

#6

The most unrealistic part of the mandalorian is that he finds babysitters everywhere he goes

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) November 16, 2020

#7

Parenthood is just one long never-ending chore of moving things to higher and higher shelves.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) November 15, 2020

#8

My three-year-old son keeps calling him the Credible Hulk and it’s funnier than anything I’ve ever done or said.

— Sean O'Connor (@seanoconnz) November 16, 2020

#9

As I was texting, my phone changed babies to rabies and perhaps I've been judging auto-correct too harshly all this time.

— A Bearer Of Dad News ✊🏾 (@HomeWithPeanut) November 14, 2020

#10

Until I became a parent I had never heard a human cry because they bumped their head on the roof of a blanket fort

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 16, 2020

#11

I just sneezed and my kid shouted from his bedroom “bless you dad!” which is adorable. You know what else is adorable? GOING THE FU*K TO SLEEP

— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) November 19, 2020

#12

I regularly mix up my kids names and my dogs names, but yes please put me in charge of their education this year

— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) November 19, 2020

#13

I AM THE BEST AT PARENTING DURING A PANDEMIC! NOBODY DOES IT BETTER THAN ME!!

❗𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗶𝗺 𝗶𝘀 𝗱𝗶𝘀𝗽𝘂𝘁𝗲𝗱

— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) November 16, 2020

#14

People: If you're just going to make fun of your kids on Twitter all day, then why did you have them?

Me: For starters, these jokes weren't going to write themselves.

— The Dad Briefsgiving™ (@SladeWentworth) November 16, 2020

#15

My favorite part of remote learning is my 11yo getting mad at me when I suggest he do the things his teacher says he should be doing.

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) November 16, 2020

#16

Me: Listen. I just wanna enjoy my tea and sit here for a bit. This is my alone time.

My 6 year old, leaning his elbow into my lower abdomen: Sounds good. I’ll have alone time with you.

— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) November 17, 2020

#17

Good morning to everyone except my toddler who is mad because I wouldn’t download a pregnancy app instead of a new game for him to play with on the iPad

— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻‍♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) November 15, 2020

#18

They lied. Parenting doesn’t get easier. It gets louder, covered in acne, and more expensive.

— Sarah Cottrell (@HousewifePlus) November 16, 2020

#19

My 3yo thinks the Beatles are Paul, George, Pingu and Joe Lemons and he won’t be taking any further questions on this

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) November 14, 2020

#20

Wow. Who would have ever guessed someone would get injured playing *checks notes* “crotch darts”?!?!

*side eye at both my sons crying in the fetal position in the hallway*

— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) November 16, 2020

#21

I never thought my sons second grade teacher would see me via laptop in pjs trudging across my living room to go make coffee. I hate living in the future.

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) November 18, 2020

#22

What has the pandemic taught you?

Parents: No matter how overwhelmed we get we can always get more overwhelmed.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) November 15, 2020

#23

Having kids desensitizes you to absolutely insane behavior. My daughter just pulled up her shirt so the neck was around her face and starting dancing a jig while playing this tiny harmonica necklace she was wearing, and we all just smirked and went back to what we were doing.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 14, 2020

#24

Inside a toddler's stomach: pic.twitter.com/b1sLizwcyE

— The Dad (@thedad) November 16, 2020

Each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.

Preview photo credit: HousewifePlus / twitter.com