The 23 Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week
Anyone hoping for a peaceful transition has never had to pull a toddler out of a Chuck E. Cheese.
Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways.
#1
I love when childless people say ‘I’d never let my kids do that.’ Mark my words: when you become a parent, you’ll gladly hand your kid the iPad and a donut for ten minutes of peace and quiet.
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) November 5, 2020
#2
Waiting for the election results is nothing. My 5yo’s been finishing her dinner for the last 3 days.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) November 5, 2020
#3
I love when childless people say ‘I’d never let my kids do that.’ Mark my words: when you become a parent, you’ll gladly hand your kid the iPad and a donut for ten minutes of peace and quiet.
— Scary Mommy (@ScaryMommy) November 5, 2020
#4
My husband was surprised to learn that my daughter’s Wednesday swim lesson was being held on a Wednesday again.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) November 4, 2020
#5
Some of you never maniacally refreshed your online wedding and baby registries to see what gifts had been purchased, and it shows.
— Rachel Sobel (@whinecheezits) November 5, 2020
#6
Me: this day is stressing me...I need a drink.
3yo: here ya go dad *hands me his milk*
Me: got anything stronger?
3yo: yep! MOM CAN YOU GET DAD A CHOCOLATE MILK
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) November 3, 2020
#7
My baby's first tooth is coming out and so she's just been howling for 24 hours and it's exactly what I think today should sound like
— amil (@amil) November 4, 2020
#8
My kid texted me a list of things he wanted from Safeway and there was an entire section about cake pic.twitter.com/YtULdR2khi
— andi zeisler (@andizeisler) November 2, 2020
#9
A big part of parenting is teaching your kids how to do things on their own, and then redoing them the right way as soon as they aren't around.
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 6, 2020
#10
Me to my kids: Please be patient.
Also me: Refreshes electoral map 37 times a minute.
— Becca Carnahan (@with_love_becca) November 5, 2020
#11
My kids’ 1st grade teacher just flexed on the students by making them all practice writing: I HAVE NO JOB
— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 6, 2020
#12
Anyone hoping for a peaceful transition has never had to pull a toddler out of a Chuck E. Cheese.
— Julia Segal (@juliasegal) November 6, 2020
#13
To entice my 3yo to poop in the toilet, we told him he gets a Kinder egg if he does it
He now poops in small deposits multiple times a day and asks for the chocolate each time
He’s a genius
— Kids_kubed 🇨🇦 (@Kids_kubed) November 4, 2020
#14
"ELECTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES" I scream, drunk at the PTA meeting before writing in Oscar the Grouch as PTA President
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) November 4, 2020
#15
I asked my son to unload the dishwasher & he immediately started doing it.
2020 is wild.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 6, 2020
#16
"ELECTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES" I scream, drunk at the PTA meeting before writing in Oscar the Grouch as PTA President
— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) November 4, 2020
#17
Asked Kiddo for some advice, since she knows how to eat with lost teeth (since I got my molar extracted) she told me to, "chew through the pain."
I laughed out loud!
— Jacques Nyemb (@jnyemb) November 3, 2020
#18
Child: Can I have help with my homework?
Me: Sure. Which one are you on?
Child: #3.
Me [looking]: Well, I can tell you that #1 and #2 are wrong.
Child: THOSE AREN'T THE ONES I NEED HELP WITH— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) November 2, 2020
#19
It’s not just the thought of starting over that keeps me from wanting more children, it’s the fact that we simply cannot afford school pictures for another kid
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) November 2, 2020
#20
"Well, he won motherfu*king Vermont." - me to my infant son just now
— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) November 4, 2020
#21
A consequence of having kids is always having rotten bananas too. There is no way to buy the right amount of bananas for kids.
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) November 1, 2020
#22
4-year-old: *draws a person*
Me: Why does he have two different colored eyes?
4: He got punched.
Me: Why?
4: He knows why.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 3, 2020
#23
This feels like when I was in labor for 40 hours and even on the highest dose of pitocin I was having minimal contractions & the baby hadn’t dropped but I was still holding out for a vaginal birth and then finally the doctor was like “your uterus is overheating”
— Doree Shafrir (@doree) November 6, 2020
Each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
