#1

made a small mistake..... should i let it haunt me for a decade or no

— dirt prince (@pant_leg) December 8, 2020

#2

“That was the perfect amount of hand sanitizer on my hands” - no one ever

— Mina Kimes (@minakimes) December 9, 2020

#3

AirPods Max cost so much because there’s a kid named Max in there

— blaire erskine (@blaireerskine) December 8, 2020

#4

Due to personal reasons, I will only be jingling part of the way this year.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) December 7, 2020

#5

you’ve heard of fomo now get ready for fobi (fear of being included)

— i praydalor my sodakeep (@AlmondTiddies) December 9, 2020

#6

so according to my therapist i can just go outside in the winter...? something about that’s what coats and boots were made for? idk chile this lady just be talking sometimes.

— king crissle (@crissles) December 8, 2020

#7

Release the vaccine in vape form and I promise no one will ask what is in it

— Caitlin (@caithuls) December 6, 2020

#8

Last night I discovered “minimalist nativity sets” and I am WEEPING pic.twitter.com/XuRoGq8i1v

— Kirby Jones (@kejones_) December 5, 2020

#9

waiting out your girl's odious boyfriend is the worst! i always want to lean in and whisper: "i was here before you i will be here after you, bozo."

— so....what now? (@Muna_Mire) December 7, 2020

#10

My 6 year old brothers teacher asked the class what’s their favorite season and he said garlic powder 😭😭😭😭

— KK🏆 (@kkstaackz_) December 3, 2020

#11

every retail worker should be allowed to murder one (1) customer during holiday season. i've been saying this for years. it works because its not an excessive amount of murder, but customers wont know which retail worker has already used up their annual murder.

— Anna Fitzpatrick (@bananafitz) December 6, 2020

#12

"infant so tender and mild" suggests the existence of a spicy baby

— Bella Lara Blondeau (@vivarockbella) December 8, 2020

#13

why do men start podcasts instead of going to therapy

— jay (@flossybabyjay) December 6, 2020

#14

This Hanukkah we celebrate the $1,200 that miraculously lasted the beleaguered American people 258 days

— Amanda Duberman (@AmandaDuberman) December 10, 2020

#15

why do men start podcasts instead of going to therapy

— jay (@flossybabyjay) December 6, 2020

#16

Cats show their love by stepping on you in the exact place that you are hurting

— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) December 6, 2020

#17

earthquakes? groundbreaking stuff

— corri (@okiecorri) December 8, 2020

#18

macbooks really have the audacity to huff and puff and have panic attacks when i chronically have too many tabs open... girl, i paid $1,300 for you! go to therapy!

— black lives matter, karen (@amanixyasin) December 8, 2020

#19

My neighbor’s J fell down but this way is better. #2020 pic.twitter.com/eU9Zl9wiAi

— Monica Hesse (@MonicaHesse) December 7, 2020

Visit our "Funniest Tweets From Women" page for past roundups.

Preview photo credit: flossybabyjay / twitter.com