#1

i will jump out the shower naked just to skip a song. idc.

— 🦋 (@immanwrld) January 21, 2021

#2

CDC: Wear a mask! Social Distance! Get the vaccine!
Me: absolutely!

CDC: don’t eat raw cookie dough
Me: I’ll see you in hell

— Daphne Strasert (she/her) 💖💜💙 (@daphnethewriter) January 18, 2021

#3

we need a disney princess who is a piece of sh*t

— ms pippershnippetz (@lolumOKUR) January 18, 2021

#4

earthquakes are my favorite way to spend 10 seconds worrying I’m going to die while peeing

— shauna (@goldengateblond) January 17, 2021

#5

me, fluent in french, reading “coup d’état” in my head: coop de tatt

— sydney battle (@SydneyBattle) January 17, 2021

#6

In Jewish yoga this pose is: waiting for my wife at Loehmann's pic.twitter.com/Qik7wsZ0ad

— Chandra Steele (@ChanSteele) January 20, 2021

#7

Ppl always telling me to act my age like where do I sign up to learn cause i never been this age before 😂

— JT (@ThegirlJT) January 17, 2021

#8

yesterday i completed a chore that i’ve been putting off for 5 months. it took me 20 minutes. i will learn nothing from this

— kenzie (@kenzhadley) January 18, 2021

#9

why would you say Ben Affleck and Ana de Armas broke up when you could just say BenAna Split

— 𝕤𝕦𝕟𝕗𝕝𝕠𝕨𝕖𝕣 (@spinubzilla) January 18, 2021

#10

Very cool to include the Cheesecake Factory menu in this special ceremony. pic.twitter.com/11M0v3e1T2

— Karen Howell (@karenehowell) January 20, 2021

#11

Ugh I was supposed to perform wap at the inauguration today but I had a dentist appointment 😓😓....maybe next time .

— iamcardib (@iamcardib) January 21, 2021

#12

when I see a girl with red hair I think oh good there’s a witch here to protect me. is this problematic

— raina (@quakerraina) January 19, 2021

#13

LMFAO “Ima swing by Joe’s thing for a minute.” https://t.co/FBo5IoxFA1

— Bri (@shes_the_maNN1) January 20, 2021

#14

at the stage of the pandemic where i long for other, earlier days in the pandemic

— seynique smythe (@sey_anything) January 17, 2021

#15

wtf is lgtbq+?? y’all have gay premium??

— ً (@isnotscrewed) January 19, 2021

#16

The fact is your father & I are together and it’s about time you got used to it pic.twitter.com/VehyzVIE75

— mhairimcf (@MhairiMcF) January 18, 2021

#17

dear WOMEN💕, please STOP saying SORRY for:

- taking up space
- asking for what you deserve
- hitting someone w your car
- setting a barn on fire
- accidentally murdering someone
- intentionally murdering someone
- simply being yourself (a murderer)

— Karen Chee (@karencheee) January 18, 2021

#18

live footage of me doing whatever a 19 year-old on tiktok tells me to pic.twitter.com/QpGsIjEMw1

— Anne Sundell (@anne_sundell) January 19, 2021

#19

how come nintendo can’t make some games for people like me where nothing bad ever really happens to you and also you can never die

— Scaachi (@Scaachi) January 19, 2021

#20

once I ate an almond joy and broke out in hives so I was like “maybe I’m allergic to almonds” and my dad said “or maybe you’re allergic to joy” AND HE WAS RIGHT

— blaire erskine (@blaireerskine) January 17, 2021

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Preview photo credit: 9to5buzz