#1

all macbooks know is remind me tomorrow, heavy breathing, spinny rainbow & die

— sextina acab-fina (@giltcomplex) January 2, 2021

#2

What is today? The 4th? The 5th? The minor fall? The major lift? idek

— Agent V (@VeroniKaboom) January 4, 2021

#3

nobody’s thinking about that weird thing you said. they’re thinking about a different weird thing you said that you didn’t even clock

— kylie brakeman (@deadeyebrakeman) January 2, 2021

#4

got my $600 stimulus check today, tried to use it to feed my 24 month old & she said “no mommy, use that money to invest in stocks & flip it. there’s rice in the fridge.” so proud of her ❤️

— yeahm (@yxmmers) January 4, 2021

#5

These walls are too thin. Playing Paramore and my neighbor yelled “ play Misery Business next “ .. i did as they requested.

— Dom. (@dominoedoe) January 5, 2021

#6

wanna feel old? it’s still today

— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) January 7, 2021

#7

Good morning to everyone except my partner who, at 2am, mid-dream, sat bolt upright in bed and terrifyingly shouted into the dark: “Will there be a buffet?”

— Joanna Hardy (@Joanna__Hardy) January 5, 2021

#8

sorry I didn’t text you back I was pretending I didn’t see it and I ended up actually forgetting

— Rex_highstar (@manlikerex) January 5, 2021

#9

Capitol and Capital really kicking y’all asses. But I’ll talk about it tomorrow

— Kasssss. (@Heyyy_Kass) January 6, 2021

#10

in england, they don't say i'll kick your ass, they say i'll see you on the pic.twitter.com/pgzMSWiLK9

— reni (@reniadeb) January 2, 2021

#11

not enjoying this bonus week of 2020 content for hardcore fans

— Alexandra Petri (@petridishes) January 4, 2021

#12

Me in 15 years sitting in the back of my sons US History class making sure they telling them kids the truth. pic.twitter.com/uV7GM0GBOV

— Daria Morgendorffer (@_teeeemula) January 7, 2021

#13

I think now is finally time for me to sing “imagine”

— Natalie Walker (@nwalks) January 6, 2021

#14

A shark could swim faster than me, but I could probably run faster than a shark. So in a triathlon, it would all come down to who is the better cyclist.

— Emma Manzini (@EmmaManzini) January 2, 2021

#15

Me: That looks so damn goo-

Gordon Ramsay: Pathetic

Me: Pathetic.

— Angelique (@__gorgeousgeek) January 4, 2021

#16

I'm doing laundry and just whispered "It's almost our anniversary" to the pair of yoga pants I've been wearing since March.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) January 2, 2021

#17

adding a man to Close Friends pic.twitter.com/et20DqM8HK

— girlpilled (@upstreamculotte) January 5, 2021

#18

Zach spelled with an “h” is a scholar, Zack spelled with a “k” is a menace to society

— audrey (@saint_audrey) January 5, 2021

#19

america distributing the vaccine pic.twitter.com/qImWeOnmxO

— Emma Berquist (@eeberquist) January 5, 2021

#20

me, after I send one email pic.twitter.com/SSnfMf0mGH

— Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) January 4, 2021

Visit our "Funniest Tweets From Women" page for past roundups.

Preview photo credit: jillboard / twitter.com