#1

Who needs insomnia Twitter when you live in Baltimore and there is a man on the street at 1:30 AM yelling “Trump got it!” .

— Danielle Evans (@daniellevalore) October 2, 2020

#2

I love when I post a story of my cat and like 70 people reply “that looks like my cat!” Like yeah babe it’s a cat. There are like 4 flavors

— raina (@quakerraina) September 29, 2020

#3

“Gorgeous night for a walk” -me moving from couch to chair

— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) September 29, 2020

#4

Prayers for my husband who very tragically got me nothing for our anniversary when I specifically told him I wanted nothing for our anniversary.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 28, 2020

#5

does this look like a pig with rollers in its hair or have I finally lost it pic.twitter.com/txxhSFyGRD

— 𝖏𝖆𝖉𝖊 (@jxdeholly) September 26, 2020

#6

Yay I love sundays! I love feeling weird all day for no reason!

— Meg Stalter (@megstalter) September 27, 2020

#7

Lifetime have I got a movie for you! It's about a woman who HATES CHRISTMAS, but she has to pretend to like it because of her husband's job, but then one day she meets a beautiful little immigrant child who has been separated from their parents, and says "Give me a fu*king break"

— Ashley Nicole Black (@ashleyn1cole) October 2, 2020

#8

wow i just cant take this anymore *continues to take it*

— 333 (@ih8threat) September 27, 2020

#9

I slept so hard my neck and shoulder muscles are sore. Can I count this as a work out?

— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) September 28, 2020

#10

The pope, psyching himself in the mirror every morning: OK, Frankie, just remember, it’s a VatiCAN not a VatiCAN’T

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) September 28, 2020

#11

Poor Canada. We are such sh*tty downstairs neighbors

— Christi Lukasiak (@ChristiLukasiak) October 1, 2020

#12

a relationship should be 50/50. he gets fries for himself and I eat half of them

— fanhouse.app/jasminericegirl (@jasminericegirl) September 26, 2020

#13

Take me down to the Xanax City where the grass is green and the -- oh, this grass is nice. I mean, this is quality grass. Let's lie down for a while and stare at the sky.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) September 28, 2020

#14

yes, sharks can outswim you. but you can outrun sharks. so far in a triathlon you’re square. all comes down to who’s the faster cyclist

— Abbie (@AbbieEvansXO) October 1, 2020

#15

I don’t get it when I see skinny people running..... aren’t you done???

— J*ckie (@jackies_backie) September 27, 2020

#16

what if we pronounced aristotle like chipotle

— murdeezy (@spicycasserole) September 26, 2020

#17

DEBATE DRINKING GAME: Drink every time all the time

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 30, 2020

#18

American Horror Story: America

— Raquel Willis (@RaquelWillis_) September 30, 2020

#19

The two types of friends when someone insults you:

Type 1: Aw, that sucks. I’m sorry. Wanna talk about it?

Type 2: They said WHAT? What’s their name? Nvm I found their social media. Lol they got nerve with their RAT ASS DOG ASS UGLY ASS FACE AND THEIR MESSY ASS DUMB ASS OLD ASS

— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) September 29, 2020

#20

Not fasting this year because I feel like God is the one who needs to atone

— Rachel Bloom (@Racheldoesstuff) September 28, 2020

Visit our "Funniest Tweets From Women" page for past roundups.

Preview photo credit: jxdeholly / twitter.com