Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between.

#1

Me: My friend Mary is pregnant.

[10 YEARS LATER]

Husband: Hey, did your friend Mary have her baby?

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 9, 2020

#2

*romantically grabs husband’s face*

I will NEVER stop eating your fries.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) July 16, 2020

#3

My daughter asked me what marriage was like and I nodded and said that sounded great. Then she asked me if I was even listening.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 7, 2020

#4

I forgot my mask and my husband’s running back to the car to get it, a 2020 romance.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) July 12, 2020

#5

In our marriage we keep the magic alive by plucking each other’s rogue ear and chin hairs.

— Momsense Ensues (@momsense_ensues) July 16, 2020

#6

I’m not saying my wife orders a lot of stuff online, I’m just saying my dog recognizes the sound of an Amazon Prime van approaching.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) July 17, 2020

#7

The worst part of working from home is having my wife hear all the work jargon I use. I told someone I'd be "out of pocket this afternoon." She asked me what that meant and I told her I literally have no idea.

— Das Skoogeth (@Skoog) July 9, 2020

#8

I’m sorry I gotta go. I’m gonna be late for my wife’s post grocery shopping orientation where we cover “snacks and treats that are meant for the kids.”

— dADDisms (@Beagz) July 17, 2020

#9

My wife can remember what I said on November 18 2013, but can't remember the Netflix password she changed last week.

— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) July 13, 2020

#10

Me: *swings door open*
Welcome to our pandemic summer house.

Husband: This is just our toolshed with a starfish nailed to the door.

— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) July 16, 2020

#11

You know you’re a parent when after sex, the wife looks over and informs you that Buzz Lightyear just got the show of his lifetime.

— Lezz Mom🌈 (@lezzimomof2) July 12, 2020

#12

My wife: Will you put on some music for the drive home?

Me: Sure!

My wife: *skips 7 songs in a row* Sorry, I’m just trying to get past the Taylor Swift.

Me: Well, I put on Taylor Swift radio, so good luck with that

— lucy bexley 🪁🌈 (@bexley_lucy) July 19, 2020

#13

It doesn’t matter how long I’m married I’m still pissed that hotels don’t have fans in the bathrooms to cover up the potty business going on.

— Nonchalant Charlotte (@jellybnbonanza) July 13, 2020

#14

The news is so disturbing and anxiety inducing so to relax my husband and I are watching The Shining

— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) July 13, 2020

#15

me: just finished working out

wife: stop calling eating chicken wings as fast as you can a workout.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) July 11, 2020

#16

My wife smiled and said good morning to me today, there is either a plan for my demise or there's a sale at DSW.

— Forward March (@RunOldMan) July 12, 2020

#17

My wife won an argument with four sighs, two eyerolls and zero words.

— Dan Regan (@Social_Mime) July 13, 2020

#18

Just when you think your marriage is boring you start watching Netflix together, naked.

— 🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 (@3sunzzz) July 18, 2020

#19

My wife had me install a super bright motion-sensing flood light and now it looks like I’m trying to escape a prison when I walk outside at night.

— Chad Read (@squirrel74wkgn) July 12, 2020

#20

Every restaurant I’ve ever been to my husband takes a bite of whatever he ordered and says, “You gotta taste this.”

Bad or good, it doesn’t matter. It must be tasted.

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) July 11, 2020

#21

My wife walks on water. But only because I tried to fix the plumbing again.

— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) July 12, 2020

#22

They say communication is important in a marriage so I just sent my husband 6 consecutive texts explaining why I’m right.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) July 8, 2020

#23

My husband brought home unfrosted Pop-Tarts and now I have to file for divorce. We had a good run.

— Jawbreaker (@sixfootcandy) July 13, 2020

#24

I love that cute married thing we do where I put too many throw pillows on the bed every morning & my husband chucks them off the bed every night.

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) July 18, 2020

#25

Just found a black thong tucked inside my bedsheets that I knew didn’t belong to me so I called my husband over to ask wth that is. So anyway funny story... turns out a thong looks a lot like a face mask.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) July 17, 2020

Read on for more relatable new ones that will have you laughing in agreement.

Preview photo credit: Social_Mime / twitter.com