#1

Scanning the PS5 as a bell pepper at self-checkout>>>

— T O R ï (@returnofthetori) September 16, 2020

#2

Sorry I sang "The Heat Is On" while you were using the self-checkout at Target.

— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) May 15, 2018

#3

I am not brave enough to scam at self checkout. I don't have it in me. pic.twitter.com/vSSWlUuzkV

— bri (@bigshitxtalker) September 3, 2017

#4

Not bragging but I go thru the self checkout like it's an Olympic competition

— Envy (@envydatropic) September 7, 2015

#5

A little boy changed his mom's grocery self-checkout's language to Spanish. She did not find it amusing. I did. #iheartboys

— Emily Volman (@emilyvolman) February 3, 2011

#6

My daughter just learned how to scan items at the grocery store self-checkout, so a trip for bread & milk is now 45 minutes and 137 scan attempts long.

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) June 21, 2018

#7

At least the self-checkout doesn’t ask me what I’m making for dinner with these items or when I’m going to call my mother.

— Just J (@junejuly12) October 13, 2019

#8

self checkout?! gotta check items out myself?!! self checkout what's next??! what's next do i get a job?!! do i get a job and support myself

— tara shoe (@tarashoe) January 29, 2015

#9

Is it possible for the self-checkout machine to judge you?

— caprice crane (@capricecrane) September 17, 2012

#10

I decided to use the self-checkout and a lady asked me to scan her stuff, so I did. Then another lady asked me, anyway long story short I'm still checking people out and apparently I work here now. I hope I get a break soon because I'm hungry.

— Marcy G (@BunAndLeggings) September 8, 2019

#11

If you want to know how much of a maverick I am, when the CVS self checkout says, "Please remember to take your receipt," I just turn and walk away. I just leave the receipt in the machine like it's nothing.

— Sandra Newman (@sannewman) June 29, 2018

#12

The target self checkout camera makes you look ugly as fu*k so you lose self esteem and don’t steal

— cayne (@c0mic_sans) October 24, 2018

#13

*uses self-checkout to save time*
*waits 30 minutes for assistance after register freezes*

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) July 15, 2015

#14

This Target cashier seems frustrated that I need help with the self checkout like I am an actual employee.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 18, 2020

#15

I’m always cool and confident until I’m paying for fruit at the self checkout.

— Possum Kingdom 🖤 (@aissalanis) September 24, 2018

#16

But if I use the self checkout who will see all of the pretentious food I bought?

— Life at Tiffany’s (@lifeattiffanys) February 7, 2017

#17

That camera at self checkout really humbles you

— Toks (@_Toks96) February 20, 2020

#18

The cutest chick rang me up at the self-checkout today!

— Stephanie McMaster (@Smethanie) January 2, 2015

#19

self-checkout lanes: because you hate people yet love doing someone else's job for nothing

— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) September 22, 2012

#20

they gotta turn down the volume on those self checkout machines in the grocery store. they be just screaming at me and making me nervous. give me fu*king two seconds to put it in the bagging area please god damnit

— spooky blm donny (@_donnydrama) December 31, 2017

#21

With face recognition technology, grocery stores could save so much time by signaling the manager while I'm still in the self checkout line.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) December 8, 2016

#22

Grocery store self-checkout may put people out of work, but at least it's also awful & annoying for customers.

— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) May 9, 2019

#23

I wish I could be like the self checkout machine and work when I feel like working.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 24, 2018

#24

Day 1087 without sex: Purposely messed up my self-checkout at the grocery store just to hear a voice telling me what to do

— Vision Booooooored👻 (@VisionBored1) January 8, 2020

#25

Self checkout should just be called "payment optional"

— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) September 2, 2013

#26

sure. we had self checkout back in my day. it was called shoplifting

— count of monte christo (@KimmyMonte) December 15, 2017

#27

When you're in self checkout and your son is screaming "it didn't scan" pic.twitter.com/7GlxdqeoUr

— iCoerce (@I_Exude_Sarcasm) October 4, 2018

#28

All I want to do before I die is make it through the self-checkout one time without needing an employee to turn a key.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) May 3, 2016

#29

having a panic attack because I'm 28 and I still use the self checkout to buy tampons because I'm too embarrassed

— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) December 28, 2013

#30

at target self checkout & a rambunctious child stuck his butt on my bagging area & the register was like "unexpected item in bag" !!!!

— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) March 22, 2017

#31

Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.

— caprice crane (@capricecrane) December 16, 2011

#32

you can tell how much someone hates people by how skilled they are at the self-checkout

— Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) February 8, 2013

#33

self-checkout voice: remove item from bagging area
me: ok
scv: stand up straight
me: ...ok
scv: the fu*k are you wearing?

— keely flaherty (@keelyflaherty) September 13, 2016

#34

me:

target self checkout cameras: you are ugly. you are nothing. you are the scum at the earth. look at you LMAOOOO. EYE SPY A BUM.

— queen quen (@quenblackwell) July 13, 2019

#35

If you can't find the barcode on a product, maybe the self-checkout isn't for you. Don't be a hero.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) January 23, 2016

#36

I always keep my cool when using self-checkout machines because I want them to vouch for me as an ally during the robot uprising

— Ashes to ashes (an spooky female) ⚪️ (@adult_mom) June 20, 2017

#37

[meeting god] sorry. you didn't scan every item at the self checkout. looks like it's downstairs for you, little lady

me: but free labor is theft. i paid myself for working as a cashier on behalf of a bloodsucking corporation

god: lmao, you got me. welcome to heaven, sis

— beth, alien uprising enthusiast👽 (@bourgeoisalien) November 25, 2019

#38

I'm just a girl, standing in front of a self-checkout, screaming that there's no unexpected item in the bagging area.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) July 20, 2020

#39

[Self-checkout]

“Unexpected item in the bagging area”

Me: NO THERE IS N-

*notices that toddler has climbed up and is trying to bag herself*

OH, MY BAD

— TheBabyLady (@thebabylady7) January 19, 2018

#40

Using self-checkout lane so I don't have to interact with anyone.

Scans first item.

Register: ... "Please wait for assistance."

— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) January 25, 2018

Preview photo credit: bigshitxtalker / twitter.com