Historian and book author Kate Bowler recently shared her uproarious dialogue with her 6-year-old son Zach on Twitter.

KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

And here are some of the best:

#1
Me: Love you sweetie. Goodnight.
Him: Goodnight mommy.
I leave. Storm begins. Huge crack of thunder.
Him: (from dark) MOM CAN YOU PLEASE TURN OFF THE STORM
Me: (yelling) I CAN TRY
Him: WHAT WILL YOU TRY
Me: LOVE I GUESS?
Him: THAT WON'T WORK....TRY SNUGGLES FOR ME INSTEAD
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#2
Him: Mom, can we talk about boats?
Me: one thing and then eyes closed
Him: OKAY (deep breath) because pirates are REAL and are alive NOW. But mostly they killed a-chother or were killed by GIANT SQUIDS or monsters that (giant arms) SQUEEZE BOATS AND CRUSH THEM. Sigh. Goodnight.
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#3
Me: love you sweetie. Night.
Him: goodnight. To all the crystals.
Me: okay
Him: who was the first person to ever find a crystal?
Me: goodnight love.
Him: in a caaaaaaaaaaaave with maaaaaaaany secrets.
Me: I don’t know how to explain you to other people.
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#4
Tonight: Mom.....mom...mom? Mom. Ok, mom. Have you ever eaten a pumpkin? COME BACK. Mom. Have you ever eaten pumpkin seeds? MOM WHAT DO THEY TASTE LIKE!!!!!!!!!
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#5
All children are animists.
Me: (picking paper clip off the carpet of his crowded room)
Him: OMGOODNESS WHY WHY THIS IS MY MOST FAVORITE THING DON'T THROW IT OUT HOW DARE YOU
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#6
He just yelled “DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WITH ONE EYE?” into the darkness.
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#7
My son is swimming in the hot tub. His bicycle is also in the hot tub with him.
Husband: WHAT HAPPENED
Son: I wanted to try a wheelie. A water wheelie?
Husband: THIS WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA
Son: It is safer. Dad. It's safer.
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#8
Boy: Okay mom. Goodnight. Mom, why do you have so much hair? Okay, night. Why is hair made of cylinders? MOM. I want to learn the a-cord-on. A-cordial? ACCORDION. IT GOES LIKE THIS [frantically mimes accordion playing] MOM COME BACK ACCORDIONS ARE MADE OF BEES.
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#9
Me: you are a wonderful boy
Him: but I don't know what blueberries smell like
Me: try tomorrow
Him: how do pirates feel when they walk on land? Weird?
Me: not sure. goodnight
Him: dinner tonight was bad. i mean, BAD
Me: NOT NICE BUD
Him: (kisses my nose) but good try, mom
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#10
Him: goodnight mom. Love you.
Me: love you (leaves)
Him: (next room) Mom? Is cheese funny? I think it is. I only like STRING cheese. ...Mom? Mom. MOM. IS GOOGLE A PERSON?
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#11
Him: before you go, tell me one constellation of stars.
Me: Orion. Goodnight lovie.
Him: mom, wait! I have to tell you. [dramaric pause] I picked you.
Me: what?
Him: as a baby. I picked you. For my mom.
Me: [melting]
Him: I picked your tummy. You are MY mom.
Me: you win.
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#12
Him: Mom, sometimes I am so scared of the Yeti. Not the Loch Ness, that is fine. But the Yeti..
Me: You're safe. Love you sweetie. Night. (leaves)
Him: Yes, but have you ever been bitten by a tiger?
Him: But you've been bitten by a wolf? A bear?
---
Him: SO THAT'S A YES?!!!
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#13
Me: Goodnight my love.
Him: Goodnight mom. This is a good.
Me: Yeah?
Him: Yes. I'm going to sleep now.
Me: Perfect. (leaves)
....
Him: DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE LAST MEGALODON?
....
Him: (quietly) I think he lives in the ocean.
....
Him: THE BACIFIC OCEAN! MOMM. IN A COLD SPOT!
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#14
Me: you did a great job reading. Night love.
Him: why do they call it a li-bary? (library)
Me: night sweetie
Him: Because people lieeeeeeeeeee.... they lie about the li-bary?
Him: MOM COME BACK WHY ARE THEY LYING? ARE THEY LYING ABOUT THE BOOKS OR WHAT?!?
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#15
Him: before you try to put me to bed I am talking to you about my pet.
Me: you don't have a pet, hon.
Him: I knew you would be reeeeeaaaally scared. you don't even have to see it.
Me: ..... are you telling me
Him: I HID HIM.
Me: (to husband) PLEASE COME IN HERE
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#16
Me: Goodnight sweetie.
Him: Mom?
Me: no. I love you but no.
Him: Are raccoons awake right now? Mom. They can’t kill you. MOM. They don’t have sharp enough teeth. MOM COME BACK HAVE YOU SEEN THEM IT IS SAFE I AM NOT AFRAID.
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#17
Him: goodnight mom. Love you.
Me: love you (leaves)
Him: (next room) Mom? Is cheese funny? I think it is. I only like STRING cheese. ...Mom? Mom. MOM. IS GOOGLE A PERSON?
AND WAS GOD EVER BORN?!???
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#18
Me: I love you so much. Goodnight sweetie.
Him: does Dad have a job?
Me: yes.
Him: as a ghost pirate?
Me: not exactly
Him: right right right. That was a long time ago. When you were a kid. In the Civil Wars.
Me: goodnight lovie
Him: a long, long, long, long..
Me: GOODNIGHT
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#19
Husband: What would you like to do for mother’s day?
Him: oh oh oh we make her jewelry or pat her hair
Husband: sounds nice
Him: OH! Or show her gymnastics
Husband: like what
Him: A summersault? no no she can do that. A monkey jump? yessssss yes yes
Husband: um, or flowers
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#20
Me: Night love.
Him: Can I listen to your heart?
Me: Ok
**quiet**
Him: it's beating fast
**quiet**
Him: did you love someone so much that your heart stops beating? did you fall over? did you die? or did you just go to sleep?
Me: no?
Him: SO YOU DIDN'T LOVE SOMEONE?!
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#21
Him: Night! oh mom, I think this is a new tooth
**shows molar. WHAT. Is that a wisdom tooth? hiding alarm**
Me: oh dear. you are getting older.
Him: OH! can I get my driver's license?
Me: you are 6
Him: FINE! so can I stop the tooth from growing so I don't grow up?!

KatecBowler / Via twitter.com