#1
I only let my kids cheat at board games if it ends the game faster.
lmegordon / Via twitter.com

#2
Toddler: Daddy I want toast.
Me: ok, buddy. Here’s some toast.
Toddler: I don’t like butter on my toast.
Me: (flips toast over to the dry side and hands it back) There ya go.
Toddler: Thanks Daddy!
TwinzerDad / Via twitter.com

#3
My kids brought me breakfast in bed, then proceeded to eat MY breakfast. If that doesn't sum up motherhood I don't know what does.
momtribevibe / Via twitter.com

#4
My wife just pulled me into the other room and I thought she wanted to have a serious talk but she just wanted to give me m&m’s without the kids seeing.
Beagz / Via twitter.com

#5
My wife said she hides snacks from me so she can put them out when guests come over, in case you were wondering why I invited you here tonight.
SladeWentworth / Via twitter.com

#6
My children wanted to play restaurant and are very upset because I told them my place does not allow kids.
Chhapiness / Via twitter.com

#7
Wife: I want you to rake the yard today.
Me: Consider it done.

[later]
Wife: I thought you were going to rake?
Me: I thought you were going to consider it done?
HenpeckedHal / Via twitter.com

#8
7-year-old: I don't want a big cake for my birthday.
Me: That's very humble of you.
7: I want a small cake every day of the year.
XplodingUnicorn / Via twitter.com

#9
4yo: You're a good dad.
Me: Thanks.
4yo: You'd be better if you said yes more.
Me: Okay.
4yo: Can I have ice cream? Think about what I said.
EverydayGirlDad / Via twitter.com

#10
My 3yo gave me her baby and told me to feed it. I'm sitting on the couch feeding a fake baby and she's in the kitchen eating grapes and crackers enjoying her me time.
BunAndLeggings / Via twitter.com

#11
Dad: *angrily* Why did you bite your brother?
4yo: I DIDN’T BITE HIM, I squeezed him with my teeth.
thebabylady7 / Via twitter.com

#12
Me: *serves dinner*
My toddler: what’s this?
Me: lasagna.
Toddler: I no want it.
Me: Just kidding, it’s noodle pizza.
Toddler: GIMME.
thestinkerbell_ / Via twitter.com

#13
6-year-old: I feel sick.
Me: Today isn't a cleaning day.
6: I feel better.
XplodingUnicorn / Via twitter.com

#14
6-year-old: I hate how you pack my lunch.
Me: Maybe you should pack your own lunch.
6: *packs 28 Oreos*
Me: Maybe I should pack your lunch.
XplodingUnicorn / Via twitter.com

#15
Wanted to call my daughter to come all the way downstairs to put on the light for me here in the study, then I remembered how mad that made me feel as a kid.
So I called her to ask a question, and told her to switch on the light on her way out.
HexyDre / Via twitter.com

Preview photo credit: EverydayGirlDad / twitter.com