50 “Welcome To Parenthood” Tweets That Sum Up Life With Kids
Welcome to parenthood. Everyone's hungry, just not for that.
#1
Welcome to parenthood: where the laundry basket is always full and the threats are always empty.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 12, 2019
#2
Welcome to parenthood. Every piece of trash in your house is now a makeshift toy that you are not allowed to throw out.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 21, 2018
#3
Welcome to parenthood.
Sitting in a dentists' office waiting room for 2 hours is now one of your favorite things.— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) October 4, 2017
#4
Welcome to parenthood. Getting stuck in traffic for 30 minutes on your way home from a doctor's appointment is now your "me time".
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) August 10, 2018
#5
Welcome to parenthood! For the next 18 years, everything you do will be wrong to someone somewhere.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) October 11, 2019
#6
Welcome to parenthood.
Everything you own will now be sticky and broken.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 21, 2018
#7
Welcome to parenthood. Nothing will ever go according to plan ever.
— Salty Mermaid Entertainment (@saltymermaident) October 19, 2017
#8
Welcome to parenthood. You'll find yourself asking your spouse ridiculous questions like, "do you mind if I take a shower?"
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) May 11, 2020
#9
Welcome to parenthood. You're the one who has to put their hand into the murky sink water and pull up whatever gross sh*t is clogging the sink now.
— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) October 10, 2018
#10
Welcome to parenthood. Your coat pockets are now tiny garbage cans.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 11, 2020
#11
Welcome to parenthood. Your list of symptoms will soon sound like a combination of side effects from every known prescription drug.
— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) November 30, 2020
#12
Welcome to parenthood, you will now watch all your shows in 4 minute increments.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 14, 2020
#13
Welcome to parenthood. Don't worry, your kid is still alive, their neck just does that when they fall asleep in the car.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) December 28, 2020
#14
Welcome to parenthood. Everyone’s hungry, just not for that.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) February 19, 2019
#15
Welcome to parenthood
When you’re so sleep deprived you’re using face wash to wash your hair and still winning because at least you showered.
— Mom On The Rocks (@mom_ontherocks) November 20, 2019
#16
Welcome to parenthood. You now yawn in your sleep.
— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) May 17, 2020
#17
Welcome to parenthood. Even if you find your tv remotes they no longer have the backs to them.
— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) November 20, 2020
#18
Welcome to parenthood. Your refrigerator is now a graveyard of your kids’ half-finished drinks.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) September 21, 2020
#19
Welcome to parenthood. Every decision you make is the wrong one. Guilt has replaced all other emotions. There is no escape.
— Salty Mermaid Entertainment (@saltymermaident) February 21, 2018
#20
Welcome to parenthood.
Earplugs, get some cause it’s loud af.— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) November 8, 2017
#21
Welcome to parenthood. Every flat surface is a crafts table now.
— Dude-Bro Dad (@thedadvocate01) October 11, 2020
#22
Welcome to parenthood, your kid's hungry again.
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) January 29, 2018
#23
Welcome to parenthood.
You now have to put a reminder to set an alarm to schedule an appointment you’ve been conveniently forgetting about for months.— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) January 30, 2018
#24
Welcome to parenthood: You are now a kid’s fart cushion.
— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) November 29, 2019
#25
Welcome to parenthood. Your full-time job is now putting throw pillows back on the couch.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) August 22, 2019
#26
Welcome to parenthood. You're awake now. Just whenever.
Midnight: awake.
7 am: awake.
2 am: awake.
4:30am: awake.— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) May 8, 2019
#27
Welcome to parenthood! I hope you enjoy driving people around to places they begged you to go, but then complained about having to go to when it's time to go.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) December 8, 2017
#28
Welcome to parenthood.
You're never not in a rush now.— OneFunnyMummy (@OneFunnyMummy) October 8, 2017
#29
Welcome to parenthood: every relaxing moment you now have is slightly ironic and riddled with guilt.
— Molly England (@bluebonetbabies) February 28, 2018
#30
Welcome to parenthood. Did you know you have a pimple? If not, it will be pointed out to you.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 27, 2019
#31
Welcome to parenthood.
Everything you touch will be sticky.— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) October 4, 2017
#32
Welcome to parenthood.
Hope you don't enjoy sitting or sleeping.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 10, 2017
#33
Welcome to parenthood. You’ve got something on your shirt and your kid just took their pants off again.
— The Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) May 3, 2018
#34
Welcome to parenthood, every activity your kid wants to do costs 1 million dollars plus pictures.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 4, 2018
#35
Welcome To Parenthood: Screen Time on the toilet with a locked bathroom door is now your Self Care.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) January 9, 2019
#36
Welcome to parenthood. You must be this crazy (holds arms wide open) to enter.
— A Bearer Of Dad News🇬🇾 (@HomeWithPeanut) May 7, 2018
#37
Welcome to parenthood, where the joy of discovering new music has been replaced by an endless loop of songs from Daniel Tiger.
— Amy Dillon (@amydillon) May 7, 2015
#38
Welcome to parenthood. Yes, it's possible to have the worst day of your life before 6:00 AM.
— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) June 24, 2020
#39
Welcome to parenthood. Please choose where you'd like your child's acorn collection to be located:
A. On your living room floor
B. Buried in their bedsheets
C. In your bathtub— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 3, 2018
#40
Welcome to parenthood. https://t.co/rlaCNmjqng
— jimmy fallon (@jimmyfallon) September 2, 2018
#41
Welcome to parenthood. You only drink unintentional iced coffee now.
— Maryfairyboberry🧚🏻♀️ (@maryfairybobrry) November 23, 2019
#42
I love watching you turn into the person who complains about fireworks on Facebook. Welcome to parenthood, friend.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) January 2, 2021
#43
welcome to parenthood, your day was just ruined by a sock
— The Dad (@thedad) January 10, 2021
#44
Welcome to Parenthood:
Finishing thoughts, meals and R.E.M. cycles are a thing of the past now.
— ☕️MacgyveringMom22🍷 (@MacgyveringM22) August 22, 2018
#45
Welcome to parenthood. You now go through 15 loaves of bread per day
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) September 11, 2017
#46
Welcome to parenthood.
Christmas is now a shitshow.— MotherPlaylist (@MotherPlaylist) December 18, 2017
#47
Welcome to parenthood.
Your outdoor rocks are indoor rocks now.
— Paige Kellerman (@PaigeKellerman) May 4, 2018
#48
Welcome to parenthood. There is now a balloon aimlessly floating through your house at all times.
— SpacedMom (@copymama) September 1, 2018
#49
Welcome to parenthood.
Hope you like hearing “THERE’S NOTHING TO EAT!” right after you spent your life savings at the grocery store.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) September 12, 2020
#50
Welcome to parenthood. Your home will be filled with love, laughter, and tripping hazards.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) September 23, 2019
Preview photo credit: 9to5buzz