I'm thinking about the time that I said that I was distantly related to Marie Curie and a random guy explained, “It’s pronounced Mariah Carey.”
i_Lean / Via twitter.com
Once, I stayed for a night at my friend's and woke up because I couldn't breathe. Their Maine Coon was standing on my chest and was pressing on it with his front paws, while his facial expression was one of total surprise, like, "Why did you wake up?"
krustn1k / Via pikabu.ru
Today is the day of awesome stories. My taxi arrived and I got in. A dozen yards before my destination the taxi driver turned off the street. I was like, "You made a wrong turn." Suddenly he turned around and said, "Oh, I forgot about you. I was just driving home."
MariaKozlovaa / Via twitter.com
I was almost hit by a car. Things that I wouldn't have to finish flashed before my eyes.
glavvvrach / Via twitter.com
We just waited for an hour to see our pediatrician. As soon as he walked in, my toddler took his hand and pointed to his watch and said, “This is a clock.” This was the most passive aggressive thing I have ever witnessed.
cydbeer / Via twitter.com
#6 I just found out I've been watering a fake plant for four months.
aidenschmaiden / Via twitter.com
I went into my brother's room just to talk to him, and I lied down on his bed and poked him. And some random girl turned around and said “Your brother went to get us food”.
Katya_hdz98 / Via twitter.com
The Thanksgiving. I was 37, I was dating a 45-year-old guy, and my sister (who was 33) was dating the 25 year old son of the guy I was dating.
Partway through Thanksgiving dinner, my dad got up, went outside, and mowed my sister's lawn to calm himself down.
WetMascara / Via twitter.com
I made an account on Instagram for my mother. It turns out that she has a very strict policy for liking. She likes photos only if they are good.
_bravit / Via twitter.com
I got dumped for having red hair. My boyfriend's mother didn’t want to risk having ginger grandchildren, so she made him dump me. He married a blonde and had two ginger kids..Karma. My Kids are blonde.
Bingbon02415540 / Via twitter.com
Thinking about when I was 15 and my boyfriend and I almost broke up because I told him I wanted to live in New York when I was older to pursue my Broadway dreams. And he was like, "But New York is not the best place to Raise Our Children."
MichaelaOkla / Via twitter.com
I having a bad flashback to the time I got my hip tattoo and I took off my pants and underwear, and the tattoo artist said I absolutely did not need to do that.
sarahschauer / Via twitter.com
My 3-year-old asked me how long he had to wait until he could stop listening to me. I told him he had to listen to me for the rest of his life. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I'll listen to you for the rest of YOUR life." Toddlers are cold-blooded.
HenpeckedHal / Via twitter.com
I accidentally replied "Good night" to a boy I like from my HAMSTER'S Instagram account.
Kateleeex / Via twitter.com
I once had an outdoor cat that was so independent I actually don't think it was even my cat. I was just friends with a cat.
primawesome / Via twitter.com
Preview photo credit: aidenschmaiden / twitter.com