19 Hilarious Parenting Tweets That Won’t Be Topped

Parents all over the world probably wish they had at least 6 eyes and 6 hands to be able to watch their kids and cope with them more easily.

3-year-old is mad because her feet won’t touch the floor while she’s on the toilet and she’s rage screaming at me to lift the floor, and you guys, turns out all I need to make her happy is just some floor-raising abilities.
SnarkyMommy78 / Via twitter.com

*putting 5-year-old to sleep:
5-year-old: Mama... I’m having a nightmare..
Me: You’re not even asleep yet.
5: It’s a warning.
sweatsntopknots / Via twitter.com


A few weeks ago, I tried to literally bore my 3yo to sleep by telling him everything I knew about nuclear and particle physics. It's a fair bit, it was my speciality once. Every night since then, as he's falling asleep, his little voice pipes up: "tell me about atoms daddy."
detly / Via twitter.com

I was in a very bad mood today. Then my 3 year old walked over, handed me a rock, patted my face and said “mommy, you’re perfect, here’s a present for you”. And I smiled.
And then I realized the rock was a cat turd.
mom_tho / Via twitter.com

My kid has instituted mom hugs every 30 minutes for the entirety of Mother’s Day and I’m just saying it’s sweet... but like why can’t he apply this amount of dedication to flushing the toilet?
mom_ontherocks / Via twitter.com

I keep all the tape in my house hidden inside an ice bucket in my dining room cabinet, and that’s pretty much all you need to know about having kids.
copymama / Via twitter.com


My kids are making Mother’s Day crafts for me right now. So I'll be cleaning that up later.
MommaUnfiltered / Via twitter.com

My toddler asked me to give her chicken nuggets a checkup. After giving all the nuggets a medical exam I realized my toddler was asking for ketchup.
BunAndLeggings / Via twitter.com

2 found a calculator and is typing away very intensely on it.
I call her name and I got a dirty look and a very nasty “Hold on!”, and back to typing.
So I’ve decided to say her name 32 times, ask for juice 15 times, ask for 58 snacks, and have 3 meltdowns.
Mrs_JGplus3 / Via twitter.com

Nobody cares more about proper hydration than a kid who’s just been kissed goodnight.
dad_on_my_feet / Via twitter.com

My kids brought me breakfast in bed, then proceeded to eat MY breakfast. If that doesn't sum up motherhood I don't know what does.
momtribevibe / Via twitter.com

My child asked for a play date with a friend - and then proceeded to come up with an exit strategy.
“If I say I’m tired, that means we have to go home and eat snacks.”
I’ve never felt more seen and understood and proud than I did in that moment.
storiesofamom / Via twitter.com

Every single parent in the history of kids' birthday parties who was offered a slice of pizza and declined really wanted that pizza.
simoncholland / Via twitter.com

I admire how when babies don't want to hold something anymore they just drop it.
mixedmediapaper / Via twitter.com

My daughter said they should make vegetable cereal bc she really wants a bowl of crunchy broccoli w/ milk
I'm stuck in a house with this monster
aotakeo / Via twitter.com

My kid can tell me all about a 24-minute episode of Paw Patrol in 56 minutes.
simoncholland / Via twitter.com

Me: What do you want to be when you grow up?
5yo: I want to be a mom because it's not very hard. All you have to do is take care of everything your kid needs.
MetteAngerhofer / Via twitter.com

My toddler saw me struggling to get my tights on and she gave me a hug. Girls supporting girls.
michimama75 / Via twitter.com

Motherhood is so weird. One minute I need a break & then when I finally get a break, I miss my kid.
hannmos / Via twitter.com

Preview photo credit: hannmos / twitter.com