first home alone 2 actor to be impeached twice i’m guessing
— hunter harris (@hunteryharris) January 13, 2021
Me: I’ll do it when I have free time
Me when I have endless free time: well not now though
— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) January 13, 2021
good morning time to immediately pick up my phone lest i be alone with my own thoughts for any amount of time
— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) January 13, 2021
Stop bringing sh*tty Bluetooth speakers on hikes. No one came to the woods to hear you listen to Katy Perry
— stoned cold fox (@roastmalone_) January 10, 2021
can’t wait to find out how I feel about all this when I get around to processing it in 10-15 years
— Sarah Lazarus (@sarahclazarus) January 12, 2021
I didn’t know Kanye was Italian https://t.co/yNkk73h4gZ
— intravenus de milo (@AllegedlyMiri) January 13, 2021
I’m checking temperatures today at work & this lady walks in, I check her temp she says loudly “YOU SAID MY TEMPERATURE 100 & WHAT? let me go home” y’all she really left😭😂 it was only 96😭😭😭😭😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
— Josie💎 (@vision_josie) January 14, 2021
am I working at my regular capacity? no. but am I prioritizing and taking care of the most important tasks? no. but am I at least taking care of myself and my mental health? also no.
— Elizabeth Teng 👩🏻💻📡🌌 (@etengastro) January 12, 2021
I interrupted their moment :( pic.twitter.com/5faJMX9w1K
— mob🦇 (@maevexob) January 13, 2021
every person ive slept with lives in the room that is 200 dollars cheaper than their roommate’s
— youngmi mayer (@ymmayer) January 10, 2021
sometimes i want to be like "go off king" or "ok queen" but i'm not sure of a persons gender identity i'm like........ go off my liege
— bisexual dumbass (@kittynouveau) January 10, 2021
I'd rather never speak to you again than click on the 7 minute video you texted me with no context.
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) January 12, 2021
*me after being on my phone for the whole movie*
i just felt like it was really slow and confusing?
— Dana Donnelly (@danadonly) January 13, 2021
you can tell we're living in a normal and functioning society when you get to read statements like "Hallmark believes in the peaceful transition of power"
— Emma Berquist (@eeberquist) January 11, 2021
my gatsby themed wedding is just a regular wedding but with a dead guy in the pool for vibes
— Amy, 2022 Mothman Festival Queen (@cableknitjumper) January 11, 2021
the audacity of my iPhone to autocorrect Paramore to paramour after all this time
— hayley from Paramore (@yelyahwilliams) January 12, 2021
I'd like to teach y'all a Southern phrase that will help you get off a phone/Zoom/Facetime call or you don't want to be on anymore but don't have an excuse to leave. Let me introduce you to the power of "Well, let me let you go"
— Sara, leading Arlington, TX Rose Bowl expert (@_saracannon) January 12, 2021
bravely combatting impostor syndrome by being genuinely bad
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) January 11, 2021
How can you storm the capitol and then expect to board an airplane? I've apologized to furniture I've bumped into.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) January 11, 2021
Fu*kboys in 1813 pic.twitter.com/OFFcs1U54q
— Melissa Mason (@_melissamason_) January 13, 2021
Visit our "Funniest Tweets From Women" page for past roundups.
Preview photo credit: _melissamason_ / twitter.com