The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week
[to the bartender] whatever they put in lava lamps please.
Me while depressed: You must be out of your mind if you think I’m about to work right now
Me in a good mood: You must be out of your mind if you think I’m about to work right now
— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) February 3, 2021
I hate that teeth require so much specific care, the rest of my bones are so low maintenance
— Duffy (@MelissatheDuffy) February 2, 2021
The next time you're overcome by imposter syndrome just take a deep breath and remember that "Emily in Paris" got nominated for a Golden Globe.
— Alyssa Vingan (@alyssavingan) February 3, 2021
came out to my parents (!) and my dad was like, oh that's nice! i thought you were going to ask for money!
— charlotte (@charlvickers) January 29, 2021
wtf guy on bumble was like "I don't like bumble can we talk on snap?" I was like "I don't have snap u can message me on insta" and he was like "I don't have insta what about kik" I was like "I don't have kik what abt comments section of youtube video" and he unmatched me
— Sahana Srinivasan (@sahana_srini) January 31, 2021
lmao this is the most 2021 rejection ever pic.twitter.com/jkEIkNkvOI
— Sarah Kelly (@thesarahkelly) January 31, 2021
so my cats an idiot pic.twitter.com/GiBx4ua67j
— sarah 🌙 (@lunarcrossing_) February 2, 2021
I love to ask 7 friends for advice and then just go completely rogue.
— Irene Tu (@irene_tu) February 2, 2021
I’ve tweeted this before, but my ethics professor impregnated his son’s girlfriend. I think about it every class
— Sierra Armor 𝔼𝕣𝕚𝕤 (@unbridled_id) January 30, 2021
[to the bartender] whatever they put in lava lamps please
— anja (@internetanja) February 3, 2021
I like it when a friend asks me for my address. It’s usually because they’re sending me a gift, but sometimes I’m like, what if they’re sick of my sh*t and coming to kill me? It’s exciting either way.
— Akilah Green (@akilahgreen) February 4, 2021
A dad at the coffee shop bought his child a cake pop and said "Don't tell Mom" and then winked at me, like I asked to be part of their twisted web of lies.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) January 31, 2021
i was born on my due date and i was only 5 pounds. it’s called being considerate & respecting ur mother
— sydney battle (@SydneyBattle) February 4, 2021
My brain everytime I get a slight headache pic.twitter.com/PC3A3shUis
— Gracie (@poshgracie) January 31, 2021
Ella Emhoff looks like she is about to reject, one-by-one, all of the clothes I brought into Buffalo Exchange pic.twitter.com/OEUhwuwaol
— Julia Claire (@ohJuliatweets) February 1, 2021
i can’t wait for toxic positivity to end and for us all to admit that gossiping is delightful
— Rachel Charlene (@RachelCharleneL) February 3, 2021
I deleted instagram from my phone so I have more time to focus on my other passion which is scrolling through instagram on my laptop
— agz (@AlexisGZall) February 2, 2021
My roommate and her girlfriend are constantly having orgasms in the morning and it’s like ladies, please, some of us are trying to read about The Troubles in Northern Ireland
— Julia Claire (@ohJuliatweets) January 31, 2021
Someone said when a woman is done foolin with you, she start talking to you like she work for HR
“I wish you well on your future endeavors” 🤣🤣🤣😭😭😭😭
— still First Lady Moe (@flawl3ssNBr0wn2) February 1, 2021
This note that arrived with an Etsy order is... the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me. WTF Peggy. pic.twitter.com/tiHmOQ1dq4
— Suki-Rose Simakis (@RuPaulPupkin) February 1, 2021
Visit our "Funniest Tweets From Women" page for past roundups.
Preview photo credit: irene_tu / twitter.com