The 19 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week
I miss touching things I'm not going to buy.
ppl b like “it’s gonna get better on season 8!”
— telyani (@somalidolly) May 4, 2020
Just saw a headline about McGraw-Hill which reminds me that when I was a kid I thought Tim McGraw and Faith Hill made textbooks when they weren't on tour
— T Kira Madden (@tkiramadden) May 4, 2020
I miss touching things I’m not going to buy.
— carla ciccone (@cciccone) May 4, 2020
Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Give a fish a man and he eats for a week.
— Sandra Newman (@sannewman) May 3, 2020
Ugh I saw so many people out today when I was out today!!!!!
— Sudi Green (@Sudi_Green) May 3, 2020
guys from high school will message you on Facebook and be like “seems like you’re really killing it! congrats on killing it”
— comrade edelgard von hresvelg (@GraceSpelman) May 2, 2020
"One box of murder hornets, please. And yes, it's a gift."
— Cathryn 💚🏳️🌈💚 (@AngryRaccoon2) May 3, 2020
Toxic Shock Syndrome ended up being way less of a thing than Seventeen Magazine led me to believe it would be
— Ginny Hogan_ (@ginnyhogan_) May 3, 2020
I don’t care what weight adele is, I just want her to know I would murder her ex husband for her if she asked
— arabelle sicardi (@arabellesicardi) May 6, 2020
Whenever I get sad I think about the time my mom called Harry Potter “Pottery Barn” by accident
— Jessica Valenti (@JessicaValenti) May 3, 2020
for once, i’d just like to spiral into control.
— kim. (@KimmyMonte) May 5, 2020
maybe today's the day when the cat will finally tell me how he got so handsome
— Kelli María Korducki (@kelkord) May 6, 2020
When Beyoncé said “I’d rather die young than live my life without you”, I did not feel that.
— Mars. (@MarsinCharge) May 2, 2020
When letters are like “to whom it may concern,” they’re for ME!!! I’m always concerned!!!!!!!
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) May 2, 2020
Is it spelled titties or tiddies? I want this family newsletter to be perfect.
— Girl Who Came to Stay (@Mom_Overboard) May 5, 2020
did not expect the sequel to "hot girl summer" to be the "fall of man"
— caroline twine 🐋✨ (@carolinetwyman) May 6, 2020
I wanted to blame quarantine for my constant oily hair till I read the shampoo bottle this morning and it said conditioner.
— Kristen Schaal (@kristenschaaled) May 7, 2020
I used 6,000 N95 masks to spell out "THANK U HEROES!!!!!" on the beach then lit them on fire so nurses all over the world could see ♥️
— Megan Amram (@meganamram) May 7, 2020
I love texting “hold on let me take one for you 👀” waiting exactly 6 minutes then sending a nude I took 8 months ago for the last guy I was into
— ellie schnitt (@holy_schnitt) May 6, 2020
Visit our "Funniest Tweets From Women" page for past roundups.
Preview photo credit: KimmyMonte / twitter.com