50+ Funny Tweets About Hallmark Christmas Movies
The real stars of these Hallmark Christmas movies are all the scarves.
Hallmark movies have a dedicated following of fans, many Hallmark viewers also love to tweet about the comfortingly familiar films.
Sometimes I discover a plot hole in a Hallmark movie and I feel like I’m the king of the world
— Bart (@bartandsoul) July 15, 2019
Every Hallmark Christmas movie should have a post-credits scene where the Big City Lawyer and the Small Town Man of Her Dreams discover each other’s voting history.
— Paul Musgrave (@profmusgrave) December 14, 2019
MAKE A HALLMARK CHRISTMAS MOVIE SET IN HAWAII CALLED ‘MAUI CHRISTMAS’ YOU COWARDS
— katie jo (@katiejoyofosho) January 19, 2020
In my touching Hallmark Channel movie, I die in the beginning and the remaining 2 hours is my husband learning to wrap presents.
— Molly Erdman (@erdmanmolly) April 7, 2018
I want to see a reverse Hallmark movie where someone starts out with a ton of Christmas spirit and then gets broken down and hates the holidays by the end.
— JEFF WILD (@jiffywild) December 24, 2018
Hello it’s me, the villain of this hallmark movie, I’m the protagonists sh*tty girlfriend from the big city as well as the only person in the whole world who inexplicably hates dogs. I hate your used bookstore and I WILL close it down, woman who will eventually date my boyfriend!
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) February 2, 2018
I'm watching Hallmark Christmas movies (FOR RESEARCH jeez) and I am scandalized how quickly the city girl goes over to the handsome widower's house. Like all you know about him is he has a dead wife and statistically he's the one who did it. All that risk for a dry lip smooch? no
— Jennifer McAuliffe (@JenniferJokes) August 11, 2020
I'm a typical female in that I love Hallmark Christmas movies, but I also sometimes wonder about the penis sizes of the male leads.
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) December 9, 2019
Okay hear me out, what if instead of PG kissing for the first time after waiting till they said 'i love you' at the end of every Hallmark movie, they FU*K at the bottom of act 2 like a normal couple who understands the importance of sex.
— Stephanie Mickus (@smickable) December 23, 2018
Last night I fell asleep during a Hallmark Christmas movie and now I’ll never know if the margarine woman conned the CPR dummy into loving her
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) November 24, 2018
I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Hallmark Christmas movies and then asked it to write a Hallmark Christmas movie of its own. Here is the first page. pic.twitter.com/HMEtkzHVCi
— Keaton Patti (@KeatonPatti) December 12, 2018
Some one hire me to write a Hallmark movie about a Black girl that escapes her suffocating small town & broke a*s high school boyfriend in favor of a great career in the city with an adventurous well off man who loves to travel
— ❄Mikki Kendall❄ (@Karnythia) December 11, 2018
I’m waiting for a reverse Hallmark Christmas Movie about a small town girl who realizes her community’s politics are terrible, moves to Manhattan, gets a high pressure office job, meets a businessman, and they host a non-denominational holiday party at their penthouse.
— Jennifer Wright (@JenAshleyWright) December 1, 2018
seriously i've seen like 39 hallmark movies this year & everyone of them is about a mean realestate developer or a sled that needs polishing
— matthew gray gubler (@GUBLERNATION) December 24, 2016
Just watched a Hallmark Christmas movie about a psych professor who gets a call from the "dean of Yale University" saying they saw her thesis manuscript (!) and want to publish it (!!), and then the dean's like, "also, an associate professor position just opened up, come" (!!!).
— Nicole Seymour (she/her/hers/Dr.) (@nseymourPHD) November 21, 2018
Has a Christmas ball/gala ever existed outside the confines of a Hallmark or Lifetime holiday movie 🎄
— Emma Gray (@emmaladyrose) December 24, 2019
I’m one Hallmark movie away from grabbing the cute, single dad down the street and making snow angels.
— ElfOnAChellef🎄 (@BombChelleMama) December 1, 2018
Earlier today, I had a rep at Amazon named 'Angel,' who saved the day on a Christmas present for my son, and just now, a Citibank rep named 'Gabriel' was able to reverse a double charge from DoorDash that would've caused a check to bounce. Am I in a Hallmark holiday movie?
— Gennefer WEAR A MASK Gross (@Gennefer) December 17, 2017
conflicting narratives of "DUMP THAT DEADBEAT BOYFRIEND!" & "You need love you deserve to feel you need a man!" on Hallmark movie network rn
— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) December 24, 2014
For those of you who think I never “reach across the aisle” to listen to Republicans, I’ll have you know I’ve already watched a Hallmark Christmas movie this year.
— billy eichner (@billyeichner) November 12, 2018
please let me write a hallmark christmas movie where the townspeople of Snow Falls, North Dakota meet one (1) single jewish person
— Dana Schwartz (@DanaSchwartzzz) October 8, 2019
The plot of every Hallmark movie is about a career woman who is too busy for love but she has to move to a small town where a handsome local bachelor teaches her about the true spirit of the holiday. It starts snowing and they kiss. There is also a dog.
— Joel Doubleyou (@JoelDoubleyou) November 19, 2018
I'm convinced that every single Lifetime/Hallmark/ABC Family TV Christmas movie was scored by the same person. The music is always this bouncy, obvious "HERE COMES THE BAD GUY" or "UH OH AWKWARD" theme
— jacksfilms (@jacksfilms) December 10, 2017
What I really want is a Hallmark movie where a woman learns the true meaning of Christmas while she hunts a serial killer.
— Dammit Erin (@DammitErin) December 2, 2019
I will write the queer Hallmark holiday movie about a gal who leaves the city to find small town love
& then moves back to the city bc cmon
— Cameron Esposito (@cameronesposito) November 26, 2019
Spoiler alert, someone in that Hallmark Christmas movie drives a cool vintage truck.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 21, 2018
a hallmark christmas film starring werner herzog and tilda swinton as two romantic leads drawn together by a shared love of walnuts and figs and kept apart by bitter grocery store owner who only stocks enough for one (played by harrison ford, with earring)
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) November 28, 2020
Ok but Selling Sunset has all the makings of a Hallmark movie/romcom.It is inoffensive. You have plucky wholesome small town girl. Wide eyed. Note worthy campy villain. Only thing is Crishell is already married to hot actor otherwise she would meet him while showing a listing
— Bolu Babalola (@BeeBabs) June 9, 2020
I'm beginning to think Hallmark might have a formula for their Christmas movie posters. pic.twitter.com/w1uGBSwlFI
— Dave Addey (@daveaddey) December 10, 2017
Does Hallmark use the same actors for their Christmas movies? Yes.
Do all the movies have the same story? Yes.
Am I going to continue watching them till I can’t hold my eyes open? Yes.
And when I watched them all am I going to watch them again? Yes.
— Kendall (@pollard_kendall) November 7, 2018
lady in hallmark movie just said “sorry I’m late, the stars are breathtaking tonight” and everyone was fine with it. no one blinked an eye. those are 2 separate thoughts. u did not arrive late because you were just fu*king, looking up. i can’t say “sorry im late, there are birds”
— audrey farnsworth (@audipenny) January 13, 2019
home would be a more peaceful place if I just gave up arguing with my mom about heteronormative tropes of the hallmark movie network
— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) December 22, 2014
These Hallmark Christmas movies inspire me to believe that one day I too can bicker my way into true love with a Canadian long johns model if I just curl my crispy blonde hair into gross enough spirals
— Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) December 31, 2017
Actual conversation at work today:
"I've heard you know Hallmark movies."
— Linda Holmes Thinks You're Doing Great (@lindaholmes) December 14, 2017
House Hunters and a Hallmark Christmas movie. The only two places where a reindeer groomer is independently wealthy.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 8, 2017
WIFE: hey wanna try some role play?
ME: [unaware she just completed a 10 hr hallmark christmas movie bender] wow, sure
WIFE: ok i’ll be the big city executive visiting my rural hometown and you be the old bff who is still single and grew up hot
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) November 10, 2019
What is it about Hallmark Christmas movies that seems like the casting directors just walked into a Target, walked up to the relatively most attractive white person and said “Hey wanna be in a movie?”
— katie jo (@katiejoyofosho) December 23, 2019
The most unrealistic thing about Hallmark movies is how well all of these women walk in heels.
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) December 31, 2017
When will they make a Hallmark Xmas movie about a mom who slowly loses her mind because no one appreciates her and by the end she sets fire to the Christmas tree and maniacally throws all the presents in the snow and runs down the street in her bathrobe screaming FU*K EVERYTHING
— Vision Bored🎄 (@VisionBored1) November 28, 2020
I can't wait to get into the Hallmark movie writing phase of my career. Step by step.
— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) November 12, 2018
The man in the Hallmark movie just hired a nanny so he could continue to work on THIS pic.twitter.com/GgTKWsgabu
— Justin “Hoops” McElroy (@JustinMcElroy) November 20, 2019
omg i'm watching a hallmark movie about a disgraced hollywood startlet who temporarily moves to a small town (obv)&the handsome guy doesn't recognise her&she's like "have u been living under a rock for the past 2 years"&he goes *piano music* "actually i was stationed in bagdhad"
— Bolu Babalola (@BeeBabs) August 19, 2019
Hey nice city boyfriends/love interests in Hallmark Xmas movies who graciously lose out to the small town guy when she decides to follow her heart and stay— hit me up when you get back to the city 💃🏻
— Christine Nangle (@nanglish) November 25, 2018
The real stars of these Hallmark Christmas movies are all the scarves.
— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 20, 2018
[watching romance movie on Hallmark channel]
Me: *crying* It’s. Just. So. Beautiful.
Husband: *crying* It’s. Just. So. Terrible.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) June 13, 2019
What’s your favorite Hallmark Christmas movie? The one with the lady from the big city who goes back to the rural town where she grew up and runs into an old boyfriend? Or the one with the lady from the big city who goes back to the rural town where she gre
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) December 9, 2018
I just want all white people to know that I assume everything I see in a Hallmark movie is a documentary of white daily life. Right now millions of you just said, "I am going to tell him I love him the best way I know how. With gingerbread."
— Tressie McMillan Cottom (@tressiemcphd) November 1, 2018
I told my husband we need to decorate the kitchen like I saw on a Hallmark Christmas movie & now I think I’m getting a divorce.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) November 27, 2018
Does every Hallmark Christmas movie have the same plot?
Am I still going to watch them and act surprised when Susan falls in love with the small town baker who only wears sweaters instead of falling for the big city CEO?
— Alli Moore (@AlliMichalMoore) November 22, 2017
ok i'm my third hallmark channel xmas movie and every curmudgeon is a writer
— Sarah Sweeney (@heysarahsweeney) December 17, 2017
she was new in town and didn’t have any friends, until she decided to trust a handsome stranger
—hallmark movies and true crime podcasts
— Jennifer McAuliffe (@JenniferJokes) November 18, 2020
The sibling relationships in Hallmark movies are intense, especially when one of them won’t be home for Christmas. That’s excruciating pain. You need to understand these siblings were kids together.
— John Levenstein (@johnlevenstein) November 29, 2020
~EVERY HALLMARK MOVIE~
hot guy: nice tree! gonna decorate this w/ yr parents?
child: yep! but just my mom. dad is dead.
hot guy: SWEET.
— Gabby Noone (@twelveoclocke) December 24, 2015
I yelled ‘hold the lift please!’ earlier whilst on the phone, running in heels and carrying a take-out coffee. Cannot believe I am a busy exec in a Hallmark movie whose life is about to be turned upside down by inheriting a B&B in the countryside!!!
— Juliet Mushens (@mushenska) October 2, 2019
Dammit I fell asleep during a Hallmark movie so now I'll never know if the cute couple who misunderstood each other at first fell in love.
— Kim Bongiorno (@LetMeStart) December 21, 2016
Preview photo credit: daveaddey / twitter.com