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Mom Tweets Conversations With Her Son And It’s Impossible Not To Laugh At Them

Kids blurt out something goofy every day.

Historian and book author Kate Bowler recently shared her uproarious dialogue with her 6-year-old son Zach on Twitter.


KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

And here are some of the best:

#1
Me: Love you sweetie. Goodnight.
Him: Goodnight mommy.
I leave. Storm begins. Huge crack of thunder.
Him: (from dark) MOM CAN YOU PLEASE TURN OFF THE STORM
Me: (yelling) I CAN TRY
Him: WHAT WILL YOU TRY
Me: LOVE I GUESS?
Him: THAT WON'T WORK....TRY SNUGGLES FOR ME INSTEAD
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#2
Him: Mom, can we talk about boats?
Me: one thing and then eyes closed
Him: OKAY (deep breath) because pirates are REAL and are alive NOW. But mostly they killed a-chother or were killed by GIANT SQUIDS or monsters that (giant arms) SQUEEZE BOATS AND CRUSH THEM. Sigh. Goodnight.
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

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#3
Me: love you sweetie. Night.
Him: goodnight. To all the crystals.
Me: okay
Him: who was the first person to ever find a crystal?
Me: goodnight love.
Him: in a caaaaaaaaaaaave with maaaaaaaany secrets.
Me: I don’t know how to explain you to other people.
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#4
Tonight: Mom.....mom...mom? Mom. Ok, mom. Have you ever eaten a pumpkin? COME BACK. Mom. Have you ever eaten pumpkin seeds? MOM WHAT DO THEY TASTE LIKE!!!!!!!!!
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#5
All children are animists.
Me: (picking paper clip off the carpet of his crowded room)
Him: OMGOODNESS WHY WHY THIS IS MY MOST FAVORITE THING DON'T THROW IT OUT HOW DARE YOU
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#6
He just yelled “DO YOU KNOW ANYONE WITH ONE EYE?” into the darkness.
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#7
My son is swimming in the hot tub. His bicycle is also in the hot tub with him.
Husband: WHAT HAPPENED
Son: I wanted to try a wheelie. A water wheelie?
Husband: THIS WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA
Son: It is safer. Dad. It's safer.
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#8
Boy: Okay mom. Goodnight. Mom, why do you have so much hair? Okay, night. Why is hair made of cylinders? MOM. I want to learn the a-cord-on. A-cordial? ACCORDION. IT GOES LIKE THIS [frantically mimes accordion playing] MOM COME BACK ACCORDIONS ARE MADE OF BEES.
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#9
Me: you are a wonderful boy
Him: but I don't know what blueberries smell like
Me: try tomorrow
Him: how do pirates feel when they walk on land? Weird?
Me: not sure. goodnight
Him: dinner tonight was bad. i mean, BAD
Me: NOT NICE BUD
Him: (kisses my nose) but good try, mom
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#10
Him: goodnight mom. Love you.
Me: love you (leaves)
Him: (next room) Mom? Is cheese funny? I think it is. I only like STRING cheese. ...Mom? Mom. MOM. IS GOOGLE A PERSON?
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#11
Him: before you go, tell me one constellation of stars.
Me: Orion. Goodnight lovie.
Him: mom, wait! I have to tell you. [dramaric pause] I picked you.
Me: what?
Him: as a baby. I picked you. For my mom.
Me: [melting]
Him: I picked your tummy. You are MY mom.
Me: you win.
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#12
Him: Mom, sometimes I am so scared of the Yeti. Not the Loch Ness, that is fine. But the Yeti..
Me: You're safe. Love you sweetie. Night. (leaves)
Him: Yes, but have you ever been bitten by a tiger?
Him: But you've been bitten by a wolf? A bear?
---
Him: SO THAT'S A YES?!!!
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#13
Me: Goodnight my love.
Him: Goodnight mom. This is a good.
Me: Yeah?
Him: Yes. I'm going to sleep now.
Me: Perfect. (leaves)
....
Him: DO YOU BELIEVE IN THE LAST MEGALODON?
....
Him: (quietly) I think he lives in the ocean.
....
Him: THE BACIFIC OCEAN! MOMM. IN A COLD SPOT!
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#14
Me: you did a great job reading. Night love.
Him: why do they call it a li-bary? (library)
Me: night sweetie
Him: Because people lieeeeeeeeeee.... they lie about the li-bary?
Him: MOM COME BACK WHY ARE THEY LYING? ARE THEY LYING ABOUT THE BOOKS OR WHAT?!?
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#15
Him: before you try to put me to bed I am talking to you about my pet.
Me: you don't have a pet, hon.
Him: I knew you would be reeeeeaaaally scared. you don't even have to see it.
Me: ..... are you telling me
Him: I HID HIM.
Me: (to husband) PLEASE COME IN HERE
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#16
Me: Goodnight sweetie.
Him: Mom?
Me: no. I love you but no.
Him: Are raccoons awake right now? Mom. They can’t kill you. MOM. They don’t have sharp enough teeth. MOM COME BACK HAVE YOU SEEN THEM IT IS SAFE I AM NOT AFRAID.
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#17
Him: goodnight mom. Love you.
Me: love you (leaves)
Him: (next room) Mom? Is cheese funny? I think it is. I only like STRING cheese. ...Mom? Mom. MOM. IS GOOGLE A PERSON?
AND WAS GOD EVER BORN?!???
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#18
Me: I love you so much. Goodnight sweetie.
Him: does Dad have a job?
Me: yes.
Him: as a ghost pirate?
Me: not exactly
Him: right right right. That was a long time ago. When you were a kid. In the Civil Wars.
Me: goodnight lovie
Him: a long, long, long, long..
Me: GOODNIGHT
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#19
Husband: What would you like to do for mother’s day?
Him: oh oh oh we make her jewelry or pat her hair
Husband: sounds nice
Him: OH! Or show her gymnastics
Husband: like what
Him: A summersault? no no she can do that. A monkey jump? yessssss yes yes
Husband: um, or flowers
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#20
Me: Night love.
Him: Can I listen to your heart?
Me: Ok
**quiet**
Him: it's beating fast
**quiet**
Him: did you love someone so much that your heart stops beating? did you fall over? did you die? or did you just go to sleep?
Me: no?
Him: SO YOU DIDN'T LOVE SOMEONE?!
KatecBowler / Via twitter.com

#21
Him: Night! oh mom, I think this is a new tooth
**shows molar. WHAT. Is that a wisdom tooth? hiding alarm**
Me: oh dear. you are getting older.
Him: OH! can I get my driver's license?
Me: you are 6
Him: FINE! so can I stop the tooth from growing so I don't grow up?!

KatecBowler / Via twitter.com