#1

Road trip rules
1) I control the radio while I'm driving
2) I control the radio while you're driving

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 21, 2016

#2

When can we stop and eat?

-me, 10 minutes into an eight-hour road trip

— Kate Hall (@KateWhineHall) July 13, 2017

#3

No road trip is complete until my husband goes off on rant about people who don't understand concept of passing lane. #check

— sarahdessen (@sarahdessen) June 17, 2015

#4

IMPRESSION OF A ROAD TRIP:
min 7 - WE ARE ALL BESHST FRANDZZZ
min 52 - i wonder if i could roll out of a moving car
min 111 - who killed jfk

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) September 2, 2016

#5

My wife's is clearing out her car for a road trip.
She just came in with so much stuff I asked if she was shopping.

— dadpression (@Dadpression) November 18, 2017

#6

The first 30 minutes of any road trip is spent mentally cataloging everything you forgot to pack.

— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) June 27, 2018

#7

Saw 8 vasectomy billboards on my 4 hour road trip through Florida yesterday. It's like Florida knows what has to be done to Florida.

— beth, uprising enthusiast (@bourgeoisalien) September 26, 2015

#8

No one is full of more false hope than a parent organizing car ride activities before a long road trip.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 3, 2018

#9

Nobody's more mad with power than whoever's controlling the radio on a road trip

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 12, 2014

#10

when we'd go on a road trip, my dad would see a sign that said "the best burgers" and be like, oh we have to stop there, they have the best!

— maura quint (@behindyourback) July 22, 2016

#11

*spends 5 hours packing & loading the car for family road trip

*child forgets to wear shoes

— The 21st Century SAHM (@21stcenturysahm) August 31, 2017

#12

Mumford and Sons: because the "beginning of road trip" scenes in movies need music

— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) May 24, 2015

#13

The worst part of stopping during a road trip is knowing all the idiots you've passed are once again getting ahead of you.

— Carbosly (@Carbosly) September 27, 2014

#14

Friend: We should go on a road trip.

Me: Absolutely. Let's do it.

Friend: You could bring your kids.

Me: I'm busy that weekend.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 30, 2017

#15

On a road trip passing a billboard that says live girls dancing daily.

My daughter’s voice from the backseat, “wow, that’s a lot of recitals.”

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) July 21, 2019

#16

Going on a road trip is basically the art of finding a place to buy coffee followed by finding a place to pee in a loop forever.

— Carbosly (@Carbosly) May 7, 2018

#17

{Road trip hour 12 ½}

Husband singing along to the radio: "🎵This is what it it sounds like,
when dogs cry.🎵
Man, George Micheal is great."

Me: "We should get a divorce."

— Marl (@Marlebean) July 5, 2018

#18

Road trip mixtape. Girl from Ipanema and Waze on same phone: “ That when she passes, each one she passes goes TURN RIGHT IN 100 FEET!

— John Dickerson (@jdickerson) November 21, 2018

#19

Dads on a road trip have to pee sometimes too we just know if we can outlast one of you we can blame you for stopping

— The Dad (@thedad) April 1, 2018

#20

Headed out on a road trip with my husband so if I’m never heard from again he probably got us lost because he “doesn’t need directions.”

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) January 27, 2019

#21

You're not truly a parent until you've yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 28, 2016

#22

An easy way to add 45 minutes to a road trip is to let your kids pick out a snack when you stop for gas.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) December 26, 2014

#23

I can’t tell if you’re my soulmate until I know what snacks you bring for a road trip.

— 𝓜 (@Love_bug1016) September 22, 2019

#24

friend: got all 5 kids loaded in for the road trip. where do u want to sit

me: pic.twitter.com/nD8mxhb5xO

— beth, uprising enthusiast (@bourgeoisalien) August 26, 2016

#25

If pop culture’s taught me one thing it’s that a road trip is meaningless unless someone brings along an urn filled with ashes.

— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) July 6, 2019

#26

Road trips are great until your butt falls asleep and starts screaming at you to fix it.

— Garrett Jacobs (@garrett_jacobs_) May 16, 2018

#27

I'm taking 4 kids ages 6 and under on a 9-hour road trip.

We've already had 2 major tantrums.

We haven't even left yet.

Avenge my death.

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) July 1, 2016

#28

A harmonica is a perfect thing to send with your kid if they are going on a long road trip with your spouse.

— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) May 27, 2018

#29

i have never gone on a road trip without peeing in a plastic cup at some point it’s inevitable

— emma (@emmachamberlain) April 11, 2019

#30

The most shameful thing a dad can do is be the one who has to pee on a road trip.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) June 2, 2016

#31

[on a road trip]

Me: Crap, I think that was our exit, did anybody see the sign?

Them: Sorry I missed it.

Ace of Base: I saw the sign!

— Indy ❄️ (@IndecisiveJones) September 17, 2019

#32

Road trip through the mountains reminds me how lovely thWHAT THE HECK IS 2G SIGNAL???!!! HOWISTHATEVENATHINGANYMOREWTF

— Marl (@Marlebean) June 20, 2017

#33

(Leaving for a road trip)

Me: Let's buy snacks for the road!

*Buys $20 worth & finishes them before crossing city limits.

— Carbosly (@Carbosly) August 8, 2017

#34

Me, to my kids: Fast food is disgusting and unhealthy. We don’t eat that junk.

Me, to my kids, five hours into a road trip: YOU’D BETTER EAT THOSE MCNUGGETS BEFORE I COME BACK THERE AND PUKE THEM INTO YOUR MOUTHS LIKE A MAMA BIRD!

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) July 29, 2018

Preview photo credit: bourgeoisalien / twitter.com