#1

The scene in titanic where kathy bates gives leo a makeover should be a montage lasting fifteen to twenty minutes

— Natalie Walker (@nwalks) October 28, 2020

#2

Need a break from looking at your phone too much? I can’t recommend your laptop enough

— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) October 26, 2020

#3

huge pet peeve of mine is when im making my boyfriend take pics of me in public and a stranger stops and asks if we want one of the two of us together. um lmao no babe, that’s not what this is, he’s merely my photo servant and my instagram followers need to think im single.

— Dana Donnelly (@danadonly) October 24, 2020

#4

me: i brought charcuterie

party host: is this a lunchable

— Lænį Røšę☠️ (@parilani) October 27, 2020

#5

might fu*k around and become a huge bit*h

— Estelle Tang (@waouwwaouw) October 27, 2020

#6

When I feel like my husband seems to relaxed, I’ll just start a sentence with “y’know, I’ve been thinking...”

— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) October 27, 2020

#7

stopping Carrie at exactly this moment so that it's a feel-good movie now pic.twitter.com/13xiwry9S6

— priscilla page (@BBW_BFF) October 24, 2020

#8

i’m getting hotter as i’m getting older and that is because i always return the shopping cart to its proper home

— taylor garron (@taylorgarron) October 26, 2020

#9

*chugging coffee while trying to figure out what’s causing my anxiety*

— 🧟‍♀️Starving Michelle 💚 (@starringmichell) October 27, 2020

#10

growing up conservative is wild like I was so worried about taxes when I was 14

— mary beth (@marybethbarone) October 26, 2020

#11

Set your clocks back by telling them their accomplishments are meaningless and you never really loved them

— elle 🎃 (@notfunnyelle) October 26, 2020

#12

I don’t understand how snakes move and I don’t want to. that is none of my business

— damned to hell weisberg (@danielleweisber) October 28, 2020

#13

“maybe she’s born with it! or maybe not, who knows.” —me avoiding assumptions

— Karen Chee (@karencheee) October 28, 2020

#14

abba was right in super trouper i AM sick and tired of everything

— trish (@ULTRAGLOSS) October 26, 2020

#15

masked in the streets

super spreader in the sheets

— addie weyrich (@addieyomind) October 29, 2020

#16

"Well-behaved women seldom make history," I whisper as I don't wait the full 10 minutes for the oven to preheat.

— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) October 25, 2020

#17

thinking about the goop employee currently being strapped in a rocket to get some moon water

— blaire erskine (@blaireerskine) October 26, 2020

#18

this has been me for most of 2020 pic.twitter.com/7GrjZEbhiG

— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 28, 2020

#19

I am easily the hottest chick in this abandoned parking lot

— Just a Chloe (@CArmanthegirl) October 24, 2020

#20

My mom thinks I’m doing drugs every time I take an evening stroll. She’s not wrong but her certainty is rather arrogant

— Dina Hashem (@dinahashem_) October 26, 2020

Visit our "Funniest Tweets From Women" page for past roundups.

Preview photo credit: BBW_BFF / twitter.com