Kids may say the darndest things, but parents tweet about them in the funniest ways.

#1

My kid just tried to argue with Siri, and it reminded me of nearly every comment thread in 2020.

— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) November 25, 2020

#2

Flex on your kids by hanging your own picture on the fridge

— Dave Ween (@pittdave13) November 25, 2020

#3

Raising both a puppy and a toddler is very confusing but we’ll be okay as soon as the dog is potty trained and the kid is house broken

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) November 23, 2020

#4

hell hath no fury like a toddler who loses the chance to push a button of any kind.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) November 24, 2020

#5

My husband doesn't know it yet, but tomorrow I'm going to be thankful he got up early with the kids, made a donut run and brought me back my favorite coffee.

— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) November 26, 2020

#6

My son kept asking me if I’ve ever had “cooked menoodles” and I couldn’t figure out for the life of me what he was talking about. Finally realized he thought “ramen noodles” were “RAW menoodles.”

— Emily McCombs (@msemilymccombs) November 25, 2020

#7

My youngest son hid a Ziploc bag of Froot Loops in his pajama drawer so that he wouldn’t miss out on the “good cereal” if he woke up late tomorrow, in case you wondered what growing up in a big family is like.

— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) November 23, 2020

#8

5: Does the Jolly Green Giant have kids?

Me: He still goes by jolly so probably not.

— A Bearer Of Dad News ✊🏾 (@HomeWithPeanut) November 24, 2020

#9

Never once in my life have I found a pen when I need it, so please explain to me why my toddler always has a pen in her hands.

— Laura Marie (@lmegordon) November 25, 2020

#10

My six-year-old asked if plumbers eat all your plums. Imagine a world where plumbers just come to your house, mow through all your stone fruit, show you their a*s, and then leave.

— She Writes Good (@GoodSheWrites) November 25, 2020

#11

Kids think growing up is cool and can’t wait to get older.

That’s how fu*king dumb they are.

— The Dad (@thedad) November 27, 2020

#12

I told my daughter to grab her mask so we can go to the store. This was the mask she grabbed. pic.twitter.com/JQdRZltCSv

— Maintaining ✨ (@SunsetSoFresh) November 22, 2020

#13

My children wanted to play road trip and are very upset because I told them my car is a two seater

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) November 25, 2020

#14

So evidently our 13 year old thought "primadonna" meant anyone born before Madonna (i.e. pre-Madonna). Please send oxygen. We cannot stop laughing. 😂😂😂

— Chris Abouzeid (@gripemaster) November 26, 2020

#15

My kid's class is on Zoom sharing their Thanksgiving plans and now I know what it's like listening to a horror story on Audible

— Esther Choo MD MPH (@choo_ek) November 25, 2020

#16

my daughter is making a convincing argument that egg should be spelled “eg” and that the second “g” should only be used to describe really big eggs

— ∞ + 1 (@stuckinaportal) November 22, 2020

#17

I've heard you should do one thing that scares you each day so today I'm going to walk into my son's room without holding my nose.

— Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) November 23, 2020

#18

I have a wife and two daughters. They can never find a hair tie and I can never stop finding them.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) November 24, 2020

#19

My response to whether my 2 year old can play on the iPad is wildly different now in the 9th month of the pandemic.

— Kristen Schaal (@kristenschaaled) November 24, 2020

#20

Me: would you like a banana?

4: what flavour is it?

Me:

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) November 23, 2020

#21

My family has been going through a bag of shelled pistachios a week like we’re Rockefellers or something.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) November 24, 2020

Each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.

Preview photo credit: thedad / twitter.com