40 Funny Tweets That Sum Up Kid Logic
If at first you don't succeed, try, try to get someone else to do it for you by throwing a tantrum.
#1
7-year-old: I wish I could see Santa’s naughty kid list.
Me: To see if you’re on it?
7-year-old: To see who I could have the most fun with.
— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) December 9, 2019
#2
“We don’t dry dishes, Mom, that’s air’s job” annoying kid logic that you’re secretly proud of.
— Just J (@junejuly12) October 9, 2020
#3
If at first you don't succeed, try, try to get someone else to do it for you by throwing a tantrum.
- Toddler Logic
— The ParentNormal (@ParentNormal) June 13, 2016
#4
Every time my 3yo doesn’t want to do something she says “no, cuz it’s yucky” and when I give her another option she says “no, cuz it’s too early for it” and I mean, how do you argue with THAT logic?!
— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) August 16, 2019
#5
5: (Sees me eating dinner, double-fisting with a glass of wine and water) - Ummm, Mommy, since you have 2 drinks can I at least have 1 glass of chocolate milk?
I can’t say her logic is flawed. Kid’s gonna be a champ negotiator.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) October 12, 2018
#6
4: mom will you buy me a real reindeer?
Me: Santa Claus is the only person who can have reindeer
4: .... mom will you buy me a Santa Claus outfit?
Me: sure babe
4: then we can go buy a reindeer because I’ll look like Santa
Me: ...
— 🌟MichiMama🌟 (@michimama75) November 8, 2020
#7
Me: “Why did the wicked stepsisters rip Cinderella’s dress?” My 2 year old: “Because I don’t have any pizza.” Logic: It works.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) April 7, 2013
#8
7-year-old: I don't want mashed potatoes.
Me: They're just like French fries.
7: Then give me French fries.
There's a flaw in her logic, but I can't find it.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 14, 2020
#9
Me: You know better than to use that bad word.
5-year-old: Yes.
Me: Then why did you?
5: My brain said not to, but my mouth does whatever it wants.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) October 8, 2019
#10
My 8yo woke up this morning and said “Artichokes are rude!”, and honestly he is probably right.
— Katie Didn't (@Pork_Chop_Hair) January 16, 2020
#11
Kid: My sandwich has too much peanut butter on it.
Me: *makes new sandwich*
Kid: This one has too little.
Me: *makes one just right*
Kid: I don’t like peanut butter anymore.
— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 9, 2019
#12
Me: “If you’re done with the game, you need to put the pieces away.”
4yo: I WAS done, but if I have to clean it then I’m undone.”
Me too.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) October 5, 2017
#13
no one:
my 4yo: daddy, does the moon have a job or does it just sit there?
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) November 12, 2019
#14
Me: Have a good day at school.
Child: Not possible.
Me: What? Why not?
Child: Hey dad, have a good day at work.
Me: Oh ok I see what you’re saying.— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) January 22, 2020
#15
"If dad says yes on the 3,457th time I ask, then it's all worthwhile."
-kid logic— Steve Olivas (@steveolivas) May 13, 2015
#16
3: I’m a big sister
Me: No you’re not sweetie you’re a little sister
3: I’m a big kid now and I’m a sister so I’m a big sister
-toddler logic
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) October 30, 2019
#17
4-year-old: Why do I have to be the youngest?
Me: Your sisters were born first.
4: They cheated.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) January 9, 2020
#18
5: (feeds the cat a treat) Hey, mom? Since the cat got a treat, can I get a treat?
Kid logic
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) April 21, 2017
#19
“But I’m sick, and I’m staying home from school tomorrow, so I should be able to stay up late”
- kid logic
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) October 22, 2018
#20
Our 5yo wrapped a piece of sausage around my finger and called it a “band-aid” so needless to say, he’s my personal physician now.
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) February 28, 2020
#21
Me: What's the first rule of cooking?
4: Don't put your hands in your butt.
Me:
4:
Me: Correct.
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) November 13, 2019
#22
Me: Why do you keep dropping things on the floor?!?
2yo: Because I let go of them.I must admit, her argument is pretty solid on this one.
— HollowTreeVentures (@RobynHTV) March 7, 2014
#23
Shower Logic for Kids:
8-Since we showered 2 nights in a row, we should get 2 nights OFF from showering because we're extra clean.
7-Yes!— Domestic Goddess (@DomesticGoddss) December 8, 2015
#24
7-year-old: How much cake can I have?
Me: One piece.
7: Can a whole cake be a piece?
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 9, 2020
#25
7-year-old: Can I have a snack?
Me: No, you'll ruin your dinner.
7: I thought that was your job.
Touché.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 28, 2019
#26
Me: OMG WHAT THE HELL
Child: The news said it’s more sanitary to sneeze into an elbow.
Me: THEY MEAN YOUR OWN ELBOW
— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 7, 2020
#27
4-year-old: Why do we have to wear shoes?
Me: They protect your feet.
4: No, they trap your feet. *whispers* They’re feet traps.— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) January 7, 2019
#28
8: mommy I want to study pastrami
Me: why pastrami specifically?
8: I’m just super interested in the stars
Me: astronomy you mean astronomy
8: pretty sure it’s pastrami
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) February 28, 2020
#29
5: Mommy, can I have a snack?
Me: No. It’s 7 o’clock in the morning. We don’t eat snacks before we have our breakfast.
5: Well mommy, it’s not 7 o’clock everywhere. We can have a snack now.
So apparently “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere” can be used for kid snack logic too.
— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) March 9, 2019
#30
Kid logic: don’t need napkins when I have shirt sleeves, or mom’s pant leg, or the cat mistakenly wanders by.
— Just J (@junejuly12) October 13, 2018
#31
4: Mama, I'm not feeling so good.
Me: What's wrong baby girl?
4: I haven't had spaghetti for so long my stomach misses it. Listen, *puffs up belly* you can hear my tummy cry.
— GorditaSlim (@kahearstee) January 31, 2019
#32
“You can eat 50% of a mermaid before you’re considered a cannibal.”
My kid, using homeschool math during social distancing
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) March 19, 2020
#33
5yo: *crying* you never let me have any fun
wife: you were yelling at your sister
5yo: yeah, that’s fun
me: it is pretty fun
— *sigh*clops (@aotakeo) June 25, 2019
#34
My toddler shouted “I NEED A BREAK FROM ALL OF YOU” and then locked himself in his bedroom. When we asked what happened he replied “nothing I’m just being daddy”
— WTFDAD (@daddydoubts) March 31, 2020
#35
9y.o: “Can we watch this movie again?”
Me: “No- you’ve watched it like every single day!”
9: “Yeah, but you drink coffee every single day & it brings YOU joy, so...”
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) February 17, 2019
#36
Me: hey stop jumping
3: I’m not jumping, I’m hopping
-toddler logic
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) October 31, 2019
#37
*Quiet Daddy-daughter screen time on Saturday morning*
7yo: (watching show on iPad) Daddy, is this too loud for you?
Me: No Sweetheart, but thanks for asking.
7yo: OK. (Pauses) But if it IS too loud, you can just leave the room.#parenting #dadlife #momlife
— Richard Dean (@dad_on_my_feet) March 10, 2018
#38
According to my 3yo it's Christmas.
Because all the chocolates from her Advent calendar are gone.
Because she snuck them into her room and ate them all.
And since I don't have the energy to argue with toddler logic,
Merry Christmas everyone!
— The Salty Mamas (@saltymamas) December 19, 2019
#39
4-year-old: I have to train for the Power Rangers.
Me: I don't think they're accepting new members.
4: No. I'm going to beat them.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 12, 2019
#40
7-year-old: I'm done with homework.
Me: You did it?
7: That's not what I said.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) February 4, 2020
Each week, we round up the most hilarious quips from parents on Twitter to spread the joy.
Preview photo credit: 9to5buzz
